Care leavers’ transitions to independence

So, when I was obviously a foster child, there was... because of my past before, I’d went into care, a lot of people within who were dealing with me, were concerned that something bad would happen because I was vulnerable at the time. So, because of that, it was... school was... I’m not exaggerating on this, it was like a maximum-security prison: I couldn’t go the toilet on my own, I couldn’t go to lunch on my own, I couldn’t... like I had to have a teacher take us everywhere and I had to come back to this like unit that was in the school, and it was just horrible. I dealt with that for about three or four years while I was in school.

So, I was preparing with my dad like from obviously the age of 16 and I started sneaking out and seeing him, and I remember the day, I went to my dad’s home for the first time, and it was just like, right... I’d... like from the start it was, I would always talk about moving in with my dad when I turned 18 and I pretty much dreamed for the day to happen ’cause I’d have all the freedom I could ever want.

Carer: Well, I think there was the restrictions that everyone had,—

Ninna: Yeah.

Carer: —and then there was the things about that were because you were in children’s home.

Ninna: Yeah.

Carer: Yeah, I mean I remember it quite well, I must admit.

Ninna: What do you remember? That you weren’t allowed to see me?

Carer: I remember that I wasn’t allowed to see Ninna, and I was the only kind of person that... like we’ve known each other from soon after Ninna went into care, ’cause I managed the children’s home that Ninna lived in, which is when we first met, six years ago now, and I used to see Ninna as a sort of friend, and there was no kind of... they couldn’t manage that, so it meant that I couldn’t make... have contact with Ninna because they just were doing that whole: ‘no one’s allowed,’ and and not doing like individual risk assessments and individual plans around Covid, there was just this sort of blanket thing.

Uh-huh.

Carer: And I understand, you know, I was managing children’s homes then, I know that it was really difficult because there was no guidance and the guidance was very unhelpful, so I understand that, but it was very poorly done in terms of thinking about what individuals need to maintain their health and wellbeing and not just looking at infection, given that you’re in an environment where there’s lots of young people and there’s lots of staff and—

Ninna: Yeah.

Carer: —the staff were coming and going, and they’re going back home, and then they’re coming in again the next day, and they’re bringing their germs with them, and so that was quite hard, wasn’t it, about, you know...?

Ninna: And I wasn’t really seeing anyone, like I wasn’t happy in the home and I just... I was just, it weren’t really.

Carer: Yeah, that was quite tough—

Ninna: And I wasn’t seeing anyone else—

Carer: No.

Ninna: —it wasn’t like I was talking to my family or I had lots of friends that I could call, it was literally kind of you, [Name], and [Name], which was just... yeah, which was—

Carer: Yeah, and I think that was hard, because other people might have had family and they might say, “Oh, you can see your mum,”—

Ninna: Yeah.

Carer: —but like Ninna didn’t have a mum,—

Ninna: No.

Carer: —or anything like that, so—

Ninna: No, no.

I was in supported, semi-independent living accommodation, unregulated may I add, and the local authority basically had served them notice to say that we will stop funding this placement on... on this day because he’s turning 18. So, the placement had then obviously passed that notice on to me to say that you need to find somewhere else to live, pack up all your things and off you go. You’ll need to leave on your birthday and present at the local housing organisation and say that, you know, you’re homeless and you’ve got nowhere to go.  So that was my 18th birthday.

I then refused to leave, I said, “I’m not gonna leave,” I says, “I know my rights as a... a care leaver.” The local authority cannot make a care leaver homeless, the law clearly states that, and I had to then state particular sections of the law. The local authority still was very insistent that they were gonna evict me and make me homeless, and instructed the placement provider to change the locks when I’m out. So I barricaded myself in and did not leave and said, “I’m not gonna leave. I’ve got nowhere else to go.

So I think during that time I was just so relieved to be in my own space and just do my own thing, it was only really when I went to uni, so like a year later, that I started actively trying to get help for my mental health, and accessing these resources, like that year, between 18 and 19 I was just kind of in limbo, like just working and drinking and going to uni... not uni, like doing my pre-degree, so just getting used to that independence, you know that freedom, I guess.

And I think it’s like you have to make mistakes to learn, right? Like you have... sometimes things don’t really settle in your brain, like you have to hit rock bottom to go up. But I think as a care leaver, especially for me who has no... I have literally no ties to any family, no family support, it’s kind of like if something goes wrong, it’s not a case of like: ‘oh, OK, it’s fine, let’s just try again,’ it’s like if something fucks up I am screwed basically.

So sometimes I do go a bit extreme with the limits of my freedom, like randomly decided to go see my friend that like lives like an hour away, or something, on the train and deciding it the night before – a bit of a rookie decision – but didn’t work between work, otherwise, but... yeah. So, I have scared my carers a few times, but scared me a few times, being on the road, but I feel like if I don’t go and do these things... if I go and do these things now, I won’t be as scared to do them in the future, and I’ll have that extra step ahead of my friends who haven’t quite done that yet.

Well, I mean when I was still in care, I didn’t have as much freedom as I do now; that could be a college thing, but that could also very much be a care thing. I mean I’ve got a car now, so I’ve got a lot more freedom with that. But I... I feel like I’ve got a lot more independence now that I’ve left care. I’m not under all the strict rules that care required, in that sense; I can go where I’d like to go. I don’t need to avoid certain parts of town anymore, like I just feel like I have a lot more freedom that I’ve always wanted when I was in care. My experience of leaving care definitely hasn’t been as difficult as others would... would be, because I’m Staying Put with my carers, but I reckon that’ll change when I go to uni ’cause I’m then living on my own. Yeah, I mean I’m... I’m very lucky that I get to stay with my... my carers until I’m... until I go to university, but if I wasn’t going to university, I’d probably have to move out.

But there’s been positives about leaving care: I have the ability to be free and go to college and do stuff without having, like, staff from a care home on my back, if you get what I mean?

I think before it was a lot more like, controlled environment; whereas once you’re 18 and then even in supported accommodation it was a bit more like: “Oh, you need to be back at this time,” or, “you can’t go out here,” or, kind of like rules and regulations for my safety or whatever they wanted to say. But I was like, I’m quite independent as a young person, so it used to really get on my nerves when I’d have people badgering me about stuff and I’d be like: “Mm, no, I’m actually OK. I’m more than capable of getting the bus to college by myself that I’ve been doing since I was, like, 15,” you know what I mean?

The fact that I could walk out of my flat and go for a walk at 2am in the morning and no-one’s gonna question me. Like, having a new sense of independence and freedom that I didn’t even know was kind of a thing until I lived by myself and I didn’t have people kind of watching everything. So, I think that was the biggest change.

Yeah. Yeah, having like... being able to walk inside, lock the door and know it’s just me in this flat, is something I don’t know how to explain to people who don’t know it.

You know, it’s like, I can leave dishes in the sink and not get shouted out by some other kid who has to do their own dishes. You know, like, not that I wouldn’t care about keeping stuff clean, but it’s the fact that it’s my responsibility and I’m not gonna be told off by someone else for not doing something. And I’m not gonna be watched over 24/7. And I’m not gonna be kind of asked where I’m going, asked what I’m doing, asked to check in. Like, yeah, it’s just freedom that I didn’t really know existed until I lived by myself. And it makes me wonder if kids who aren’t in care, have this all the time, or if they don’t.

It was when I was living in [county], that’s when things started looking up a little bit, because I managed to get my life in control, and ‘cause when, when I was in sixth form, I didn’t get good grades like I, yeah… I didn’t really have good grades, and, I knew I wanted to go back to uni but I didn’t have the qualifications to be able to go to like a good uni like [City]. I knew I wanted to come here, ‘cause like it was during my travels, I travelled to [City] and I met somebody who lives here, and I fell in love with the place and always said to myself, if ever I could come to this uni, I would love to do that. And so, that’s why I went back to college to get the grades to come here. And that’s sort of when things got better because I had, I gave myself that structure and I had that motivation and ambition, and that I was able to, like, find a place to go.