Lilah

Well, I mean I’ve been with them for quite a while, I’ve been with them pretty much all of my care experience, so, But I mean there was a time where, when I first came to live with them, that I immediately said I didn’t wanna stay here and was gonna try to run away and leave again. But I was told “no”, and I ended up just staying because it made me realise there wasn’t really a point and like it wasn’t good for me to jump from one place to the next all the time, and it wasn’t bad here, so it’s, it’s been nice being here. My carers have got young children, so it was nice seeing them grow up and being part of the family as well, ’cause I’m all they’ve ever known really. So, it’s, it’s, yeah, it’s stable. I now fit into the family, which is nice to know. Like it’s stable in a way that means that I can kind of shut off everything else that’s going on familywise a lot of the time and just be here and in my room, and just focus on my own path, I guess.

So, I’ve got a personal advisor now, rather than a social worker, she needs to call me soon actually to update my pathway plan, but I don’t really feel like I’m as aware of it as she is. So, I know that I’m calling her for something called a ‘pathway plan’, but I’m not as like conscious of what it entails.

How helpful do you feel like it is or was?

I mean I don’t really know much about it, so not very.

OK. So, you haven’t filled it out yet, is that what it is?

Maybe, I can’t remember. I don’t see her that often really, I’ve met her once, so I might have, I might not have, I don’t think I have. But it’s come up every now and then. It’s not something that I specifically remember; I couldn’t picture it.

I think in general we should learn that anyway, but I think for foster kids, because there’s like almost a definite that we get that when we’re 18, we have to start paying bills, etc, I think it’s rather important.

When I first went into care, I wasn’t independent at all, but I mean, I was [age], so that, you know, take that how you will, but I couldn’t even do the minimal stuff such as like wash myself, etc, because my mum still kind of treated me like a young child. So, I mean to me, like ’cause when I, when I first went into care there was an expectation that I could just do that, which is fair enough, you would expect that of an [age] year old. However, I couldn’t, or I wasn’t used to focussing on doing it myself. So, for me, that was like a big, I guess, shock. Like small things like that, putting myself to bed, just things that I should have been able to do as a kid anyway, but for me, that was a lot bigger a step. So, I think, I, I just didn’t, I felt very alone in that sense, and so now I’m like used to that, like when there’s another big change in my life, I like to embrace it, rather than fear it, because I see it as another opportunity to make it my own thing, kind of, ’cause last time it wasn’t. Like, when I first went into care, that wasn’t my decision and I didn’t have a good experience of it and it was very much a shock. So now it’s like, if I prepare myself better, I feel like I’ll feel better about it, because I didn’t have any opportunities to prepare myself beforehand.

My experience of leaving care definitely hasn’t been as difficult as others would... would be, because I’m Staying Put with my carers, but I reckon that’ll change when I go to uni ’cause I’m then living on my own. Yeah, I mean I’m... I’m very lucky that I get to stay with my... my carers until I’m... until I go to university, but if I wasn’t going to university, I’d probably have to move out.

So sometimes I do go a bit extreme with the limits of my freedom, like randomly decided to go see my friend that like lives like an hour away, or something, on the train and deciding it the night before – a bit of a rookie decision – but didn’t work between work, otherwise, but... yeah. So, I have scared my carers a few times, but scared me a few times, being on the road, but I feel like if I don’t go and do these things... if I go and do these things now, I won’t be as scared to do them in the future, and I’ll have that extra step ahead of my friends who haven’t quite done that yet.

Well, I mean when I was still in care, I didn’t have as much freedom as I do now; that could be a college thing, but that could also very much be a care thing. I mean I’ve got a car now, so I’ve got a lot more freedom with that. But I... I feel like I’ve got a lot more independence now that I’ve left care. I’m not under all the strict rules that care required, in that sense; I can go where I’d like to go. I don’t need to avoid certain parts of town anymore, like I just feel like I have a lot more freedom that I’ve always wanted when I was in care. My experience of leaving care definitely hasn’t been as difficult as others would... would be, because I’m Staying Put with my carers, but I reckon that’ll change when I go to uni ’cause I’m then living on my own. Yeah, I mean I’m... I’m very lucky that I get to stay with my... my carers until I’m... until I go to university, but if I wasn’t going to university, I’d probably have to move out.

I’d like to... I’m not sure specifically. I... my passion is poetry, so if I can figure out how to publish my poetry, that would be amazing; however, I’m not going to pursue it in education the way that I thought I would because I feel like... or... or through employment, because I feel like it would take away that passion for me. So, I’d like... I’m actually already speaking to somebody to try and publish my poetry, of which a lot of it contains... or is about my care... my care experience, so that’s gonna be rather a unique thing, I feel. But other than that, I’m going to university for [course name], so I’d like to be an agronomist or work in like soil science, basically, and I know that the environmental science job sector is increasing, so I’m hoping that it’s gonna be quite a good thing when I come out of university. So that’s my... that’s my hope. But equally I’ve chosen a degree in which whatever job I can get with that degree, once I come out of it, I’d be pretty happy with. I love languages as well, and I do Spanish A‑level. I’m gonna do modules with my course in a way that will actually add to my course at the end of it, so it’ll be [course name] with additional Spanish. So, I could even go to Spain and teach English, or I’d hopefully like to implement that into my job at some point. So, if I can... ideally, I’d like to have a job where I can involve environmental issues in other countries and be able to travel as well, that’ll be my ideal job, so I can’t magic it out of thin air, but fingers crossed I’ll find something like that.

There have been a few times where I’ve had a LAC review and my IRO would bring up something that I’ve gone to the doctors for, in front of like my social worker and my carers, and it’s just... and it just made me think like: ‘I can’t really go to the doctor about anything that’s really personal,’ because even at age like 16, because even then it’s not personal, because it’s not... it’s not private. But just little things like that, mostly, as I got older. But yeah, I mean college has definitely helped with that, but I think a lot of it is to do with... Like I mean, my social worker, like the social worker visits, which have to be quite frequent – that’s nice, I guess in a way – but also, it’s... it’s your... your social worker’s job, but your life, so like when they’re off and you need them, you can’t really do anything about it. Yeah, just things like that, I guess. It’s not... it’s just very... it’s a system, it’s very systematic and I think that was... that’s... it’s not a great aspect.

I have attended... so I like to get involved in as much stuff as possible; I’m quite a tunistic [sic] person. So, I’ve invo... I’ve... so recently in end of May, I attended I guess like a little mini summer school for the University of [city], but at [name of] Campus, because I really wanted to go to [country] for uni for quite a long time, and that was... that is my second choice. So, I went... they were offering it, so I went there and did that, travelled up there on my own and everything – the journey back was not fun – but I went there for that and it was great. But going there made me realise that that wasn’t where I wanted to go, so it just kind of like confirmed. It was as much as my carers are like: “Oh, well, you know, maybe you shouldn’t have gone ’cause you don’t like it,” I’m glad that like I did go ’cause now I know that I don’t like it, and I then switched my second choice to my other one that I was trying to choose between. So, I’d rather have gone than not have. My university as well, my actual university that I do wanna go to, has had a few talks and seminars about accommodation and finance. And when going there, there was a fair and everything, so I learned about... a lot about what was available to me, and what wasn’t. I’ve attended quite a few other university summer schools and stuff as well. I did one at [university], one at [university] with the [name of] Trust summer school. So, I’ve hopped about here and there about finding out mostly the university experience, what it’s gonna be like, what different universities offer and what’s gonna be the best for me, pretty much. So, I feel like I’ve done the most I can in terms of that.

Personal statement: I did on my own, which you do anyway. The same with uni. But I think at the beginning we were looking at some universities together, me and my carers, but towards the end, when I really needed to properly pick, or at least I chose some, submitted it and then un-chose them, and I went through pretty much every uni in the UK looking for their requirements and whether I’d want to go there. But I did that on my own mostly, but I think that’s because I kind of wanted my own viewpoint. I knew that if somebody else did it for me, I’d probably be more likely to reject the idea; I’m just like that sometimes. So... or if they did bring it up, I’d think, ‘oh, well, they’ve already looked at it, so I won’t look at it,’ and then it happens. But yeah, so I did get support for it, from my carers, but not from my social worker, pretty much, just... just my carers.

I mean there hasn’t... other than that, I think there is... I think there is like a group chat for undergraduate [university] students, like the uni I wanna go to for students who are on Unibuddy who are waiting to hopefully get into [university], but I haven’t had the time to get onto that.

Well, I mean I’ve been with them for quite a while, I’ve been with them pretty much all of my care experience, so... But I mean there was a time where, when I first came to live with them, that I immediately said I didn’t wanna stay here and was gonna try to runaway and leave again. But I was told “no”, and I ended up just staying because it made me realise there wasn’t really a point and like it wasn’t good for me to jump from one place to the next all the time, [erm] and it wasn’t bad here, so it’s... it’s been nice being here. My carers have got young children, so it was nice seeing them grow up and being part of the family as well, ’cause I’m all they’ve ever known really. So, it’s... it’s... yeah, it’s stable. I now fit into the family, which is nice to know. Like it’s stable in a way that means that I can kind of shut off everything else that’s going on family‑wise a lot of the time and just be here and in my room, and just focus on my own path, I guess.

And right now I’m probably at the best point in my life where I’m... I’ve got my freedom, I’m financially supported, I’m just out of... of college education, so I’m... and I’m working two jobs, one of which I really enjoy, so I’m at the moment in a rather fortunate position. And even once I turned 18, I was... and once all my finance was sorted out, mostly just after I bought my car, maybe actually not just after that, cause I’d lost a lot of money, but after a while, after losing like... after buying my car and I really started to have that freedom and financial support that I needed in order to continue my education and focus on my life. So, I think I’ve done quite well, and I’m doing a lot to try and keep that in place at the moment.

I’ve got financial support through Universal Credit at the moment, because I’m a care leaver still in education, but I will lose that when I go to uni. I’ll also lose my job, well, both jobs. So, the first couple of months could be hard, but then it’s hard on everyone.

A lot of the... like a lot of my social workers, and I’ve got personal advisors, like, I think a lot of the time they don’t really know what to do when it comes to uni. Because although they might’ve been themselves, not a lot of foster kids go to university: three percent of foster kids go to university, and that’s really not a lot. So from them, I haven’t had a lot of support. I’ve only had support from my care... from my foster mum because she went, but if she hadn’t have gone, I probably wouldn’t have any support at all because nobody would really know how to do that, other than my college in which they provide a lot of like talks and... etc, so that you can apply. But I don’t really... I feel like... I don’t know, I feel like I’d like to be provided with a bit more information about how I’ll be supported in the future, from my personal advisor, or social worker, etc. So that I don’t have to worry as much now about then, because I know that I might be OK independence-wise, but I might not get a job for a little bit, and financially it might be a bit of a kick because I’m losing both my jobs and the Universal Credit, so I won’t have any money practically for the first month or so. And I don’t... and I mean just... and like just going to college, it took me four months to get another job. So just stuff like... just learning about how I’m gonna be supported once I go to uni, pretty much.

Like, financial help for care leavers isn’t the first thing you’ll find on Google, but if you can find people who are in the know and aware of the support that is available to you upon leaving care, it might make you feel a bit better about it. ’cause when I first... on the lead up to becoming 18, I was very worried about when I became a care leaver: I thought I was gonna, be immediately be on my own. I thought... I guess I just got it in my head that I was gonna be like kicked out or something, on ageing. So I think, yeah, just be aware of that, ’cause I thought I’d be... and I’d have no money ’cause I hadn’t quite... I had a job, but it wasn’t quite enough to pay the kind of bills that I knew I’d be facing. So just make sure that you’ve got that kind of support around you pre leaving care so that it’s not a shock when it does happen. And just I guess, be aware of what’s coming, basically, and make sure that you have the kind of people around you that are aware of the support that you have and that can help you with it.  

How early do you feel you could... you should start sort of preparing?  
  
I’d say about six months in advance, if that, ’cause you need to... for example, and that you need to make sure that you’ve got that. Well, you need to make sure that you can apply for it as soon as you turn 18, so you need to make sure you’ve got all the documents for it. You need to make sure you’ve got like a valid passport, etc, which could take a couple months to get, so just, I guess, start thinking about it then. Better sooner than later to start thinking about it then, rather than once you turn 18.