Care leavers’ transitions to independence

Like, financial help for care leavers isn’t the first thing you’ll find on Google, but if you can find people who are in the know and aware of the support that is available to you upon leaving care, it might make you feel a bit better about it. ’cause when I first... on the lead up to becoming 18, I was very worried about when I became a care leaver: I thought I was gonna, be immediately be on my own. I thought... I guess I just got it in my head that I was gonna be like kicked out or something, on ageing. So I think, yeah, just be aware of that, ’cause I thought I’d be... and I’d have no money ’cause I hadn’t quite... I had a job, but it wasn’t quite enough to pay the kind of bills that I knew I’d be facing. So just make sure that you’ve got that kind of support around you pre leaving care so that it’s not a shock when it does happen. And just I guess, be aware of what’s coming, basically, and make sure that you have the kind of people around you that are aware of the support that you have and that can help you with it.  

How early do you feel you could... you should start sort of preparing?  
  
I’d say about six months in advance, if that, ’cause you need to... for example, and that you need to make sure that you’ve got that. Well, you need to make sure that you can apply for it as soon as you turn 18, so you need to make sure you’ve got all the documents for it. You need to make sure you’ve got like a valid passport, etc, which could take a couple months to get, so just, I guess, start thinking about it then. Better sooner than later to start thinking about it then, rather than once you turn 18.

And so don’t think that when you turn 18, everyone forgets about you, because there’ll be at least one person who, on paper, legally still has to be involved. And kind of use them as much as you can because you might find that they were the kind of only lifeline you really had.  

And I just wish I’d reached out for help sooner, I think. And I’m not saying that it’s easy, or it’s easy to fix, or it happens instantly, or it happens overnight, but I’m just saying that be careful how many people you push away, because at some point, people stop coming back. And then it’s only then that you’re gonna regret it, basically. But also that it gets better now.  

Like, before you turn 18, as a care leaver, as a... someone in care, your life’s dictated by grownups and by everyone around you, and you have no say, but the moment you turn 18, you get to make your own decisions, and you finally have a say. And even though they’re still treating you like children, you can make decisions like a grownup, and you... you don’t make decisions like a child anymore and no-one’s making decisions for you – you actually get a say in how your life is run.  
 
And that was, like, one of the best things for me, was actually being able to be involved in decisions. And use that. You know, like, use the ability to say what you want, and the... use the fact that you’re over 18 to get what you want, basically, because you have that chance now, and you didn’t have it for years. 

For the future care leavers, I think take advantage of literally everything you can. I was so like, it was so mentally, like, detrimental to go into care, especially being at uni and everyone was there like: “Oh, my mum’s coming to pick me up,” or they would talk about their parents. Or at school, like, and there’d be parents’ evenings and I’d have to bring my carer and it was a bit... for me, it felt a bit... it wasn’t embarrassing as such, but it was very much, I felt in the spotlight, and I really didn’t like the label of being in care, but there were certain... like, even though it’s not... it doesn’t put you at disadvantage, but obviously it’s gonna be a big thing, but there is so much you can take from it; you just have to find out what you can take.  
  
Like, I think take advantage of literally everything. I didn’t know half of the things were available until either someone else who was in care told me, or I had to find out for myself. Like they’d help with driving lessons, driving tests, theory tests, help with... they help with supplies for school.  
 
The uni, if you ever go to uni, the uni will most likely offer help; you just have to reach out and say you’re a care leaver. And the label comes with a lot of benefits. A lot of the times you’ll be offered extra support for being a care leaver or, like, mental health support. Like, the materials and seeing if the... if you’re under an agency, a lot of the times the agency will offer things as well for the care leavers. 

Yeah, a lot of people in care want to run away from the system and fight it, and they don’t realise that they can get the most from it. And if you’re willing to work with it, kind of thing, like you can call on your PAs and so you... so care leavers and you might think, ‘oh, they’re just someone else I don’t want to get involved with, but in our loc... we like to call them ‘personal assistants’, we like to utilise them to do what we need them to do – and more – and we like to be... because that’s what they’re paid for, so let’s get them doing what we need them to do, and let’s make the most of a crappy situation because at the end of the day, you can get a hell of a lot more out the situation. I know a lot of people who unfortunately didn’t get that leaving care team support and missed out on the system by an inch, and because of that they suffered; whereas, because we just about made it, now there’s so much that we can access and it’s actually about going out there and searching for it and finding out more because there’s so much out there, you’ve got bikes, laptops and free Wi-Fi – absolutely loads. We get vouchers for food. We had vouchers during Christmas.   
 
We get a budget that supports us for food and local things. We get... there’s loads of things on offer at the minute for care leavers, and if you go out there and find them, or give... like, if you get onto care... local care leaver forums, you’ll find out about everything you can access. There’ll be money there to support you, there’ll be social groups to support you, and there’ll be a bunch of opportunities there; you’ll be glad that you didn’t miss them and that you would have been wanting to get involved in them sooner.

 I think I would have had... I think I would have got mental health support from the start because I didn’t think it affected me as much as it did, and then all of a sudden everything came bouldering down and it was so intense. I thought because I signed it... I remember I went into care, I didn’t cry, I wasn’t... but I was, like, tired and emotional, but I didn’t... I didn’t cry, or anything. I didn’t have fits of rage or I didn’t show any intense emotions. And then I was fine. I was fine. I’d have a few bits where I got really, really low, but then sixth form started again and I got really, really bad. And then uni started and I got even worse because it let me be alone with... Like, it’s weird because as soon as I was out of the situation, it made me realise how intense it really was.  
  
 And I feel like even if I was still in that situation, I would not... it would not have hit me as hard as it did, but it took me so long to reach help. And it takes quite a while to get some emotion... like, help emotionally, whether it’s a therapist, a psychiatrist, CBT, like, cognitive behavioural therapy, any of that, it takes quite a while. So I’d say as soon as anything happens care-wise and you get put in care, like, you were leaving care, or you just start to feel really, really low, I think then immediately reach out and get the help ’cause it will take a little while to go through anyways. And it’s better to get it when you’re still processing it than when you... like, than when you think you’ve processed it and actually you hadn’t processed any of it, so I think getting help from the start is really, really big. And, like, talking to the social worker about getting that help or a teacher or anyone that can help. Or if you do wanna do it alone, then go for it. Just talk to your GP, and I think it’s really important.

I think it’s mostly just to not be afraid to ask for what you need, and that if you’re struggling to adjust, struggling with independence, and struggling with independent living skills and things, not to let the leaving care team, and things, make you feel bad about it, ’cause they... they often will try to and will try to make you think that you’re just not an adult or, you know, not mature enough, or that you’re institutionalised and will try and make you feel bad for not being able to cope. But most care kids have lived through things that most people could barely even imagine, and we’re dealing with so much, and just getting to that point of being able to leave care, is huge; surviving that system is huge. And I think that young people need to just know that they aren’t what social services say they are, and that just because they’re struggling, it doesn’t mean that they’re in some way incapable in the way social services will often make you think you are. I mean look at most kids who go on to go to university: there are parents that get calls from their kids who are students because they can’t work the damn washing machines at student halls, but so often in care, when you’re leaving care and you’re struggling with the same things, you’re painted as being institutionalised and things. So it’s just making sure that young people know that they’re not that and that they’re not what social services say that they are and that it’s... it’s OK to find it hard when you are going through that. Especially because so often not only are you struggling to adjust to independence, but you’re also experiencing the ‘care cliff’, is what we tend to call it, where the amount of support you get just drops off hugely at 18, and it drops off again when you turn 21. 

I would probably say that, like, don’t compare yourself to other people when times get tough, because things are always gonna be hard, like, nothing’s easy. You might think that things are going very, very well for you, but then overnight, things can change. So don’t get too comfortable, and always just prepare for things, but don’t over prepare. Like obviously, life is always gonna bring its challenges, but you need to just understand it will get better; it will get better. It might take many, many years and many, many ups and downs, but it does get better, and it does get easier as you get older, and often, the closer you are to leaving care, the easier it gets because the care system isn’t always the answer to all your problems. Like, as much as they will be like showing that they care for you and they really love you, it’s sometimes not always the case. For a lot of them, they are professionals, and they obviously have to show a certain level of care and support for their job, but it’s not always for your best benefit.