Leilani

It wasn’t too...it’s not too far from my hometown. It’s like a 20-minute drive, but I have to... so it’s like the town over, it’s not too far, but obviously I don’t drive, so I do get the bus. Depending on the bus, it can take, like, between 20 and 30 minutes to get there. I think that was because we were... ’cause I got put in care with my younger brother, who’s a year... well, 11 months younger than me. So, we were 16 and 17 at the time. And the first person to accept us lived in the town over, so we got put with her because we signed under section 20, so they needed to find us a house, like, basically in that day, so she accepted us. It wasn’t too far, but it was still very, very tiring because it took me about an hour to get to school each day and it was just not having a car, was really tiring.

She comes over and she does a pathway plan all the time. I literally filled one out, like, last week again. She is very, very on top of the pathway plans. So, I’ve done them; I’ve done them a lot.

Do you feel like they’re helpful for you?

I think they’re helpful occasionally, but sometimes it’s very much just, like, I haven’t really changed what I’ve wanted to do, so a lot of it is just: “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s the same, it’s the same.” I think it’s helped me look at the difference in how I view... what I wanted to do before. Sometimes it does get a little bit boring though, sitting there being like: ‘[sighs] I wanna be... these are the people that matter to me and this is what I wanna do in the future and this is what’s going well at the moment.’ Like, it’s good to bring it to light and show... I think especially the: ‘what am I doing well at the moment,’ that bit makes me feel a lot better. But the stuff to do with jobs and, like, what I wanna go into, a lot of the time it doesn’t really change, so I’m just approving what she’s all... what I’ve already put down.

OK. Well, it sounds like you’re filling out the pathway plans quite frequently.

Yeah, a lot.

OK. And then do you feel like within that pathway plan that they take all of your views and your wishes into account? And you’re able to, you know, voice yourself?

I think so. I don’t know if there’s anything I’d change about it. Maybe add in a little bit about emotional health. ’cause a lot is what’s going well and what’s not going well, but it doesn’t really focus on your emot... It’ll focus on your inspirations or what you wanna do. It doesn’t really focus on, like, mentally-wise, I think. I think a lot of it’s physical on the pathway plan, which I think is important, but also mental health is very important as well and I think it needs to be a little bit more on mental health.

OK. So maybe some kinda emotional support checking as well on the plan?

Yeah, because it’s kind of... it’s a bit difficult to bring up mental health when it’s not mentioned already; like, it feels like an extra barrier to it.

I think they gave me a, it was like a sheet of paper to help budgeting. It was like, oh, a budgeting piece of paper. I didn’t really use it as such because they didn’t really... they kind of tried to sit down a little bit and be like: “OK, how much on average will you spend on food a week?” But I don’t know enough about how much I’m gonna spend on food to, like, actually do it, so I never really used it.

I know my PA did way more about budgeting and stuff like that with me than my social worker originally did. She also told me about cooking classes there were to help me with my independent skills and how some places offered some. At the time, I’m pretty confident in cooking, so I didn’t have to worry about it. It was just trying to balance budgeting and then school life and then work. ’cause at the time I was working as well. And I think it would just be better to compare. ’cause I feel with the social workers, they’re like: “Oh, how much are you gonna spend each week?” But I don’t even know how much normal people spend, so maybe being like: “Oh...” , them even just being like: “Oh, well, when I buy myself stuff, I normally try...” do this or this and this and give a, more of a personal input than just a generalised one. ’cause I think the generalised ones are a bit too general sometimes, and being like: “Oh, you need to buy fruit and veg,” but I don’t know how much fruit and veg I’m gonna eat in a week, I just eat what’s there really.

I had a meeting with  like, two of the social work managers where they didn’t... I didn’t know about one of the rights, up until they told me, and no-one’s really communicated them with me until I had a meeting with the managers. And they were like: “Oh, you know you can...” like, how I can request my care files. I didn’t know anything about that until they told me and none of the social workers have ever told me my rights, or anything like that.

I think... I don’t know,  like, talking to the PA obviously. When I left care, I reached out to some of the managers and I asked my PA to get... ’cause you’re entitled to an advocate, so I talked to my advocate about it, as well, and because I was automatically entitled to one, I talked to her and she got me in contact with the higher up. And they told me about, like, how I can request my own files and I worked with them to help try improve social care system.

But I got it... and my advocate was a big one for it because I automatically got assigned one when I hit 18.

Oh, OK. So, that advocate was available to you?

Yeah. And she was very... like, she knew what she was doing and knowing what I’m entitled to and what my rights are. If I was ever worried to talk up, she would do it for me.

I was in another town as well, away from my hometown. It was only like a 20-minute drive, but I don’t drive, so having to learn when the bus schedules are and to get to school, ’cause I was still in full-time education at sixth form at the time, because I’d redone Year 12 because I wanted to focus completely on my studies when I got into care, which I wasn’t able to do originally. So, it was quite stressful having to balance sixth form, going into the new place, being in and leaving care, getting a new PA, instead of a social worker, and then they were telling me... Like, I still have the, the same PA now, but at the time she was saying how I need to learn the bus routes to get to school on my own. And the school was like... I had to get Universal Credit at the time ’cause I couldn’t work to make the rent and I had to make sure of budgeting, and it was very, very stressful when it first happened.

Thankfully, the woman who we had, I really, really liked her. She was... that we had a UCAS teacher and she was a foster carer, so she knew about it all. And in our personal statement... [sighs] The thing is with getting to uni, like she said how we should mention what we’ve been through and how it will help, like, show that we’re doing our best to get to the place. And even though our grades may not be as high as the others, we’ve had other things to deal with. And it was nice. I did feel a bit like I was begging to get in... like, I was using the sob story a little bit. But the teacher who had the experience in foster care really, really, like, knew what she was doing because of that. My... I don’t think I’ve really had any help with anyone else but that teacher, and she was really, really good for it, so I really do appreciate her.

I think so. A lot of the support... like, I had to get a lot of mental health support and I had to get that myself; I’ve never had anyone, like, from the care system offer me help to do with my mental health. Like, my PA’s gotten me a mental health nurse, because I asked for one, but it’s not very consistent because I have to personally book a lesson... and book for when I can see her and it’s not like a prof... like, I’ll normally see her in a coffee shop and she’ll ask what’s going on, but it’s not really to do with, like, a professional doctor or mental health worker or any of that. And that’s the only support I’ve had to really, really fight for myself.

For the future care leavers, I think take advantage of literally everything you can. I was so like, it was so mentally, like, detrimental to go into care, especially being at uni and everyone was there like: “Oh, my mum’s coming to pick me up,” or they would talk about their parents. Or at school, like, and there’d be parents’ evenings and I’d have to bring my carer and it was a bit... for me, it felt a bit... it wasn’t embarrassing as such, but it was very much, I felt in the spotlight, and I really didn’t like the label of being in care, but there were certain... like, even though it’s not... it doesn’t put you at disadvantage, but obviously it’s gonna be a big thing, but there is so much you can take from it; you just have to find out what you can take.  
  
Like, I think take advantage of literally everything. I didn’t know half of the things were available until either someone else who was in care told me, or I had to find out for myself. Like they’d help with driving lessons, driving tests, theory tests, help with... they help with supplies for school.  
 
The uni, if you ever go to uni, the uni will most likely offer help; you just have to reach out and say you’re a care leaver. And the label comes with a lot of benefits. A lot of the times you’ll be offered extra support for being a care leaver or, like, mental health support. Like, the materials and seeing if the... if you’re under an agency, a lot of the times the agency will offer things as well for the care leavers. 

 I think I would have had... I think I would have got mental health support from the start because I didn’t think it affected me as much as it did, and then all of a sudden everything came bouldering down and it was so intense. I thought because I signed it... I remember I went into care, I didn’t cry, I wasn’t... but I was, like, tired and emotional, but I didn’t... I didn’t cry, or anything. I didn’t have fits of rage or I didn’t show any intense emotions. And then I was fine. I was fine. I’d have a few bits where I got really, really low, but then sixth form started again and I got really, really bad. And then uni started and I got even worse because it let me be alone with... Like, it’s weird because as soon as I was out of the situation, it made me realise how intense it really was.  
  
 And I feel like even if I was still in that situation, I would not... it would not have hit me as hard as it did, but it took me so long to reach help. And it takes quite a while to get some emotion... like, help emotionally, whether it’s a therapist, a psychiatrist, CBT, like, cognitive behavioural therapy, any of that, it takes quite a while. So I’d say as soon as anything happens care-wise and you get put in care, like, you were leaving care, or you just start to feel really, really low, I think then immediately reach out and get the help ’cause it will take a little while to go through anyways. And it’s better to get it when you’re still processing it than when you... like, than when you think you’ve processed it and actually you hadn’t processed any of it, so I think getting help from the start is really, really big. And, like, talking to the social worker about getting that help or a teacher or anyone that can help. Or if you do wanna do it alone, then go for it. Just talk to your GP, and I think it’s really important.