Care leavers’ transitions to independence

It was difficult because everyone had very high needs for very different reasons. You know, there were a lot of young people that needed intensive drug and alcohol intervention, and needed a lot of mental health support as well – and weren’t getting it – and with them putting younger and younger people in semi-independent, we were getting more 16/17-year-olds being placed there, and they just weren’t getting the support that they needed either, so it... it was just an insane situation.

I don’t know what it is, but I had one social worker when I was growing up who persevered with me, let’s say, because she would come over and wake me up and I wouldn’t get out of bed, and she’d be doing that for six months, and I wouldn’t go anywhere. I’d never leave my house, I’d never do anything with my life, because I was just scared, and I was worried, and I was just anxious, and I was depressed, and all these traumatic things that had gone on, I just couldn’t cope with them but she persevered with me, and that was the only social worker that made me feel like I was a person, which made me help re-engage with social services and actually getting support that I needed.

Like I started acting the way I said I’d act, like... and it weren’t even like... I weren’t violent, I never shouted at anyone, I never like took my shit on anyone, it was just like I wouldn’t come out my room for a full day and I wouldn’t eat for the full day. I’d stay in my room and I’d be cutting myself, stuff like that. And it’s like... it’s not even like I’d walk downstairs with like blood dripping down me. Like I’d clean it myself, I... it was just the way I coped.

I still struggle, but then I also... I’m also, I’m very good at putting on a front, so I can... I can mask it, and I just... I try and keep myself busy as well so that I’m not focusing on my own stuff. So, like I’ll be doing what I need to do at work, or I’ll be helping out with the care leavers and doing a lot of stuff with the care leavers.

I... I shut everyone out.

Uh-huh.

I’d go off the grid; I wouldn’t... I wouldn’t talk to people.

Mm. So are there things that make you happy at this point, either... is there something?

I wouldn’t say happy, just more like stable, like this music.

Music?

Yeah.

OK. What are you listening to?—

Because I just put... I put my headphones on and it just... you know, it just drowns out the rest of the world.

Mm. Is that a way to help you sort of calm yourself?

I think, again, it’s just another distraction.

OK. So, I see. Does it... does that work, or is it just temporary?

I mean it... it works when I’m... when I’m not busy and I’ve got headphones on, then it’s... but then, I try and keep myself busy so I don’t have to worry about... about that, so it’s a bit of a double-edged sword really.

I’d left it like two days, so I rang them and they were like, “Oh, she’s on her break, ’cause she’ll ring you back after her break, I promise straightaway,” ’cause I’d already been told that she didn’t ring back – she never rang me back – and by then I was drained.

So I was like, ‘no, like, they’re not bothering me, no.’ So I went to the supported lodgings carer, I was like, “The home treatment team don’t come on time,” I said, “I haven’t got regular appointments with the doctor’s,” I said, “they don’t even ring me back,” I said, “I am ask...” I said, “I’m begging for help.”

I was like, “I’m begging for it, and I’m not getting it,” I said, 'so you can’t even.'  ’cause they were like blaming me, I was like, “you’re pushing the blame onto me,” I said, “but you’ve seen me basically physically go out and try.” And they were like, “Right, we’ll get you help from the doctor’s and ring them again.” I’m like, “I need it now, like I need this help now.” So that was the appointment.

I’ve done therapy for years, and I’ve recently been referred to the same company I was with years ago, ’cause the [Name] Charity offer something called [wellbeing support programme], and I did that for three years only because my... the person I had, also tracked down my files, so I could find things out about my birth family. So, I did life story work with them as well as therapy, so that’s why it went on for so long. And it kept on getting extended ’cause I needed support. But recently I’ve been referred again and I recently just started it, but... but before this, I had a temporary counselling with my housing provider now, but that was only temporary while I was on the waiting list for [Charity wellbeing support programme].

You know, obviously, like I can’t say some cases are worse than the other, but mine is like... literally like the average case that you get. And social workers and stuff treat so normal, like it’s normal to have this trauma, and they kinda like throw you into care and like, ‘crack on,’ do you know what I mean?

So, it’s kinda like after being told that, I was like, ‘oh, my God, that just explains it like... this is explains like the people I know that are in care, like it explains so much.’ So like this service they’re a new thing and it’s... I’ve seen CAMHS, I’ve seen... like I’ve seen CAMHS, I’ve seen like NHS services, I’ve seen like different services here and there.

Other services I’ve seen them. And, this is the only thing that worked for me because instead of them giving me coping mechanisms to deal with the trauma... this therapy basically gets rid of the trauma – well it don’t get rid of it – but it moves it to a good place in your brain.

I struggled with mental health during that time. I think my support worker wasn’t really helpful. The support was kind of just either “keep your spirits up you’ll be fine”, mostly. I appreciate the support that was there. It just, there was no real understanding. Support workers have no lived experience of what it was like and so it made it quite difficult. I found sort of the counsellors and the team at CAMHS, and the safeguarding leads. They have no lived experience what it was like and it was really difficult to resonate and really get that support. And it was only when I found my counsellor at college. Who had actually lived in a foyer like I did when they were younger and also homeless. I thought, oh I finally feel heard. It was really nice and that was the first sort of time I really felt supported. So, yeah.

I think for me, I really wish that support around the counselling and therapy and all that stuff never stopped because I think... or like that was never asked about again, really. ’cause that would have made a massive difference to me now, you know? And during that time because I used to take it: ‘well, if no one asked me, then they didn’t want... they weren’t really bothered,’ you know? And they were so proactive on whether I was prepared to live by myself, and whether I had the practical means, and no one really asked me whether I was ready emotionally, or if that’s something that I really wanted to do, they just kind of assumed it because I’d been so isolated and independent for so long… 

And I think as well, I think it would have been nice just to sort of... it’s hard, I know, because obviously PAs aren’t... you know, the care leaver team, they’re not massive and they’ve got loads on their caseload, but like they’re not always there. And it’s not their fault, and it’s not that, but it’s not like social workers where it’s statutory, every four weeks you’ve got to see the child at least, you know, it’s sometimes it would feel like forever till I’d see my PA, and I’d sometimes... I don’t know whether this is just a me thing, but you get fed up of asking for help all the time, you feel like a lost cause.

I don’t think that’s on the leaving care team’s back because they did the referral – they did, like, what they needed to do – that’s kind of on the NHS system. But I say that as if I’m not going to be studying to work in it next year, but that’s a me issue. [chuckles] I just think, to be fair, that’s just lack of funding.

Long queue times.

And... yeah, and it’s not generally anything the leaving care team have done, it’s more, you know, circumstantial of the fact that everyone, whether you’re a care leaver or not, is going to have, like, a six-month waiting list minimum to even see anyone, followed by, like, a two-year one that they add you onto for therapy after your original.