Dan
More about me...
Dan said he had to work long hours to support himself because his local authority did not provide the same help he knew existed elsewhere.
Dan said he had to work long hours to support himself because his local authority did not provide the same help he knew existed elsewhere.
I think as well, finance-wise, I mean I understand now, because I don’t think a lot of kids get the same experience I did because I think anyone else is aware of it unless you go to different areas, is like the difference in like care leavers offer from different councils. Now, if I went back and told the care leavers in [town], which is where I’m from, the things that [local authority] have for their kids, they’ll be like: ‘what the hell,’ because I had to work my ass off losing social time, losing time to be a teenager, because I was working, because, you know, I wanted... and I had no money so I had to pay stuff anyway, and then the things that I wanted to do like, you know, like learning to drive, rather than doing like a nice little evening jobs after college, or on the weekends, I had to work many, many hours just to save up 30 quid a... a lesson, and then you, you find out [local authority] basically pay it all [laughs]. So, you’re kind of like these little experiences, I know they’re not a massive difference… and like going to uni you get some more funding if you go... if you come from... live in [local authority], than you do in [town]. But like these little things, they make a massive difference because again it’s not like I’ve got someone to fall back on, I’ve not got a massive savings account, or all this stuff. It’s like, again, these things would have totally helped and it feels a bit demoralising that why is it not the same for everyone? Why is... what... like just because I was born in a different postcode to someone, and a different council, does... why is my experience and the things that I get completely different to someone else, even though we’ve both gone through an absolutely awful time with it, you know?
Yeah.
And it’s just hard, it’s just, it’s hard ’cause my local offer isn’t the best to be honest with you, it’s just not, it’s the bare minimum they need to tick all the boxes, and it’s fine, it’s more support than you’d get… I mean it’s that or nothing, isn’t it? And when you find out some of these other councils are going above and beyond, and really making sure that these people are safe and OK… and I’m not just talking about the money, I’m just talking about accommodations or somewhere to live and somewhere to stay, or how things are done and how they write to the young person, or communicate with them, it’s different, you know? And it’s not my PA’s fault, my PA’s been absolutely ace under the things that she’s been... policies and procedures that you get restricted to, ’cause it’s not... you’ve got a bit of legislation but you’re over 18, innit? So, it’s all a bit tougher, huh, so...
Dan organised his own move to university, packing and transporting his belongings without support.
Dan organised his own move to university, packing and transporting his belongings without support.
I thought [university] would be good because it’s... you know, it’s in... in a good area and it’s a very... it’s a good uni, it’s very good for social work and it’s not a massive place like [city], and it’s not a massive city like [city], it’s just a little quiet town. If I did want to go onto [city], or [city], it’s only like an hour drive away, it’s not even that, so I decided to do it, and did it all myself. Came up to uni bringing bags, and bags, and bags and, you know, thankfully I had a car at the time, so I was driving up and down, up and down moving all my stuff and moving in and meeting flatmates and just—
Were you...
—done it.
After experiencing homelessness and moving around, Dan eventually rented a room from a woman through children’s social care.
After experiencing homelessness and moving around, Dan eventually rented a room from a woman through children’s social care.
So yeah, did a bit of moving around and sort of constant like, you know, family breakdowns and all that fun stuff. But when I was about 15, 14, I went back to live in the family home, and then essentially it just wasn’t safe for me anymore. So, I just intentionally made myself homeless, to which the social workers... like I ended up living in like random people’s attics and doing... just living in random places, essentially, until I got... basically, there’s this really, really lovely old lady and she lived in a really nice house, pretty much a mansion, but she used to foster kids. But now she was kind of just leaving rooms up for kids that need it. So I just rented a room through children’s social care, a bit like a shared kitchen area and all that stuff.
Dan said housing after care was unstable, with young people moved on to cheaper places once professionals decided they needed less support.
Dan said housing after care was unstable, with young people moved on to cheaper places once professionals decided they needed less support.
So yeah, did a bit of moving around and sort of constant like, you know, family breakdowns and all that fun stuff. But when I was about 15, 14, I went back to live in the family home, and then essentially it just wasn’t safe for me anymore. So, I just intentionally made myself homeless, to which the social workers... like I ended up living in like random people’s attics and doing... just living in random places, essentially, until I got... Basically, there’s this really, really lovely old lady and she lived in a really nice house, pretty much a mansion, but she used to foster kids. But now she was kind of just leaving rooms up for kids that need it. So, I just rented a room through children’s social care, a bit like a shared kitchen area and all that stuff.
Dan said he had consistent support from his personal adviser and supported lodgings carer, who helped with money worries, food, university applications and council tax.
Dan said he had consistent support from his personal adviser and supported lodgings carer, who helped with money worries, food, university applications and council tax.
I was in a really bad place, and, to be honest, the entire time I’ve kind of had support from my PA, like, she’s been really great, and she’s been... you know, when it comes to stuff like financial concerns, or needing a gift card for getting food, or sort of... I know… she just helps out, you know, it’s been really positive, and I think that’s... you know, I’ve kind of had to be very independent and very, very quickly, very, very young, so... and I’ve not had much support around me. So, the only consistent pieces of support has been the woman I was with, who’s absolutely great, and I still talk to her all the time now, and my PA. So, they’ve been the one... the two consistent... Like, they helped me get into uni also, like, you know doing the whole... what do you call it, prepping for an interview, and you gotta do on your, your forms to, if I’m stuck on... oh no, I got billed council tax, but I’m a care leaver, what do I do? They sorted it all out, and they’ve just helped me, really.
Alongside his own personal stress, Dan had to cope with losing many residents in the care home where he was on placement during Covid.
Alongside his own personal stress, Dan had to cope with losing many residents in the care home where he was on placement during Covid.
I was... yeah, no, so I was in the flat, and I was... I was 18, I was in my second year of college, and it kind of all messed up ’cause obviously you’re... everything... so my second year everything grade-wise was based off... it was essentially like predictive grades, and stuff, so thank God I didn’t slack off for that first year and a half before Covid hit, after January. But I got a job, because we have to do placements for college as well, and you basically do it one day a week, all year, and then you have to like write about it, and you work in a care home. I worked in a care home, but they offered me a job straightaway ’cause I was already 18, and I had a... an early birthday, so they offered me a job straightaway, so I ended up just getting paid for it… and then during Covid it was... it was really tough, ’cause like you just... you know these people for such a long time and then we had no staff, we have like... there was about 85 people in the home and I think about 40, 45 of them died,—
Dan used a website to see what support each university would give him as a care leaver.
Dan used a website to see what support each university would give him as a care leaver.
So, I don’t know if you know about this, and I’ll have to Google it again, but some of my decisions on where I wanted to go to uni, I’m just remembering this now, was based on… there’s a website [Propel into Education] that shows different universities and offers that they can give to care leavers, whether that be money, or reduced rent, or just sort of anything. Like, for example I get an email every year kind of going: ‘you’ve got a guaranteed spot to live on campus,’ because I’m a care leaver, and through university I also get additional funding. Like graduation and stuff, they’re giving me some money for that, and also paying for the robes and hat, so... and a bit of the photo money, or whatever, which is absolutely lovely. And I got, was it, £2,000 a year for just being a care leaver, I don’t have to pay back. So, it’s been really good because it’s just given me a bit more breathing space, you know?
Dan was grateful that his university would help cover the costs for him to attend his graduation when the time came.
Dan was grateful that his university would help cover the costs for him to attend his graduation when the time came.
Like graduation and stuff, they’re giving me some money for that, and also paying for the robes and hat, so... and a bit of the photo money, or whatever, which is absolutely lovely, and I got, was it, £2,000 a year for just being a care leaver, I don’t have to pay back, so it’s been really good because it’s just given me a bit more breathing space, you know?
Dan was terrified of being kicked out of or failing at university because he had nowhere else to go.
Dan was terrified of being kicked out of or failing at university because he had nowhere else to go.
If I get kicked off at uni, or I fail the year, then I’m terrified of what would happen to me, you know, because I’ll have nowhere to go, and I think that’s something that’s always been a fear… And even now when I’m finishing, I’m still terrified I’m still gonna mess up and they’re gonna kick me off or something, or... Because then if I don’t get this grade now, I can’t get this job, and if I can’t get this job, then I can’t pay for this house, and if I can’t pay for this house, I’m absolutely fucked.
Dan felt supported by the one social worker who stayed, believed in him, and changed his life for the better.
Dan felt supported by the one social worker who stayed, believed in him, and changed his life for the better.
’cause one thing that’s kept me going through all of uni is the fact that that one person, that one social worker around a normal life, and goes to the shops on the weekend, and goes out to do whatever, and has the same interest, or whatever, had such a change in my life, and made it for the better, that if I do that for one more person, then, you know, it’d be the greatest feeling ever.
Yeah.
And I know it can work because I was a lost cause because of the amount of social workers that claimed I was a lost cause, or claimed that there’s no point doing X-Y-Z with him, because he just won’t do it. She just persevered. She went: “I don’t care about whether you think you can... you can, or can’t, or whether it’s a problem or a waste of time,” and I’m really glad she never gave up on me because I gave up on me a long time ago and she was the only one who actually made me believe in myself, so, yeah.
Dan described the pressure he felt having to be financially independent.
Dan described the pressure he felt having to be financially independent.
I have got financial worries. I’ve got... If anything messes up in my life now, I’ve got nowhere to fall back to. Like if I lose a house, I can’t run back home to Mum and Dad. If I get into debt, or do anything stupid, or make a stupid finance… or something breaks, my car breaks and I need to buy a new one, I don’t have the money for that. I don’t have the support for that. If I wanna have a cry or a cuddle, the only things I’ve got are like girlfriends, or... you know, and they’re not even constant, and they can’t be your therapist ’cause that’s not fair on them and that’s not the relationships you wanna bring, and that’s not what you wanna bring to the table. So, it’s quite an isolating thing because no one gets what you’re going through. The only people that do, are the other care leavers.
Dan explained that having to ask for help over and over made him feel incapable, and he wished support came without chasing.
Dan explained that having to ask for help over and over made him feel incapable, and he wished support came without chasing.
I think it would have been nice just to sort of... it’s hard, I know, because obviously PAs aren’t... you know, the care leaver team, they’re not massive and they’ve got loads on their caseload, but like they’re not always there, and it’s not their fault, and it’s not that, but it’s not like social workers where it’s statutory, every four weeks you’ve got to see the child at least, you know, it’s sometimes it would feel like forever till I’d see my PA, and I’d sometimes... I don’t know whether this is just a me thing, but you get fed up of asking for help all the time, you feel like a lost cause, ‘cause it’s like, you know, you get to… and I’m not proud, or anything like that, I’m not like a: ‘du-du-du-du-du’ I’m not gonna do this, ’cause I will ask for help when I need it, but that will be on my like last legs. Like, if I’ve literally got no food in and there is nothing I can do, I will literally beg for a little food voucher, or whatever, you know, a food parcel, but you really get fed up with asking for help constantly ’cause it just makes you feel like you can’t do anything yourself anyway, and then that makes you feel sort of little and then you feel like: ‘if... if I can’t do this by myself, then what the hell am I gonna do?’ Like if I can’t get myself out of this mess, or if I can’t even afford food by myself, and I’ve got no one to fall back on, your mental health does take a toll in the sense of you’ve got... what are you gonna do, like how are you gonna grow up from this, like?
Dan felt professionals assumed he was competent, but without support to check things, he constantly worried about getting things wrong.
Dan felt professionals assumed he was competent, but without support to check things, he constantly worried about getting things wrong.
Even if the stakes aren’t high, it feels like that because it sometimes feels like you’ve gotta get it right the first time otherwise you’re never gonna get it right at all, like or it’s not gonna help. Like, if I mess up on let’s say Universal Credit, if I mess up on a worksheet on... to set some... a Universal Credit claim, right? There’s no one that can check it for me or make sure that I’ve got the ability… that I’ve done it. I mean I’ll, I’ll be... I’ll be honest with you, a lot of them are... academic-wise, English I still struggle with, and don’t get me wrong, I’m typing assessments, but like, you know, how I read and write, and stuff, is a bit of a struggle because I just didn’t have that education, and stuff, because you don’t really have time for education when you’re going through God knows what, and I feel like a lot of forms, and these things, just people assume we’re quite competent, or assume that we’ve got it altogether and we can do X-Y-Z, and in reality we’re just trying our God damn best, and really, really worried for when it doesn’t work out, and like it just... it’s just hard.
Dan explained that anxiety, depression, and trauma left him shut down, and only one social worker who never gave up helped him move forward.
Dan explained that anxiety, depression, and trauma left him shut down, and only one social worker who never gave up helped him move forward.
I don’t know what it is, but I had one social worker when I was growing up who persevered with me, let’s say, because she would come over and wake me up and I wouldn’t get out of bed, and she’d be doing that for six months, and I wouldn’t go anywhere. I’d never leave my house, I’d never do anything with my life, because I was just scared, and I was worried, and I was just anxious, and I was depressed, and all these traumatic things that had gone on, I just couldn’t cope with them but she persevered with me, and that was the only social worker that made me feel like I was a person, which made me help re-engage with social services and actually getting support that I needed.
Dan said counselling stopped too early, and no one checked if he was emotionally ready to live alone, which left him feeling like a lost cause.
Dan said counselling stopped too early, and no one checked if he was emotionally ready to live alone, which left him feeling like a lost cause.
I think for me, I really wish that support around the counselling and therapy and all that stuff never stopped because I think... or like that was never asked about again, really. ’cause that would have made a massive difference to me now, you know? And during that time because I used to take it: ‘well, if no one asked me, then they didn’t want... they weren’t really bothered,’ you know? And they were so proactive on whether I was prepared to live by myself, and whether I had the practical means, and no one really asked me whether I was ready emotionally, or if that’s something that I really wanted to do, they just kind of assumed it because I’d been so isolated and independent for so long…
And I think as well, I think it would have been nice just to sort of... it’s hard, I know, because obviously PAs aren’t... you know, the care leaver team, they’re not massive and they’ve got loads on their caseload, but like they’re not always there. And it’s not their fault, and it’s not that, but it’s not like social workers where it’s statutory, every four weeks you’ve got to see the child at least, you know, it’s sometimes it would feel like forever till I’d see my PA, and I’d sometimes... I don’t know whether this is just a me thing, but you get fed up of asking for help all the time, you feel like a lost cause.
Dan said he received no support during or after Covid, even while losing residents he cared about and carrying the emotional toll alone.
Dan said he received no support during or after Covid, even while losing residents he cared about and carrying the emotional toll alone.
No, I, I just... I didn’t get anything, I didn’t even get any support from work, that’s why XXXX like as soon as the whole pandemic was over and people started coming back off from Covid and like illness and stuff like that, then work kind of treated me like: ‘oh, right, we’ll just put you on du-du-du-du.’
And we weren’t... they never appreciated what I did for them, and they never gave any support for the stuff... any of us... sort of like the amount of times my colleagues would just break down crying and you just have to give them a hug because someone they’ve known for six years has just died, ha, like they don’t become your residents that you look after, after a point they become just lovely little old people that you go and see and just help try and make their lives the best it possibly can be. And it’s absolutely heartbreaking for a lot of them, and we just didn’t get any support from work. We didn’t...
And then I didn’t get any support from social services… and to be fair, I think mainly it was because that resilience and that ‘got to be brave’ and you’ve got to pretend these things didn’t affect you… and again, like saying out loud to you now, makes me feel like ‘shit, that does seem quite like a lot’ and I’ve still not dealt with it. I mean, there’s been times where I’ve just randomly started crying like months and years after, and I’ve not understood why, but that’s just what happens. You don’t deal with half of these things ’cause you’ve got no time, ha, like I can’t stop. If I stop right now, then I don’t have any money for the job, and I don’t finish uni, and I don’t get my sort of essay due, and I don’t finish my assignment, and I don’t go to work on time, and I can’t stop and breathe and you know... I feel like I never will be able to.
Dan thinks social workers can learn from people with lived experience to understand what effects (good and bad) they can have on the life of a child in the care system.
Dan thinks social workers can learn from people with lived experience to understand what effects (good and bad) they can have on the life of a child in the care system.
I still remember the things, bad social workers and good social workers did now, and I’m [in my twenties], and some of these things happened when I was [a young child,] and I can still hear their voices and what they said, and the way they made me feel… And I think they all, social workers especially, because I think again I’ve had conversations with social workers constantly, ’cause I’m an advocate for the care leaver thing. Some of them have had very lovely lives and... you know, and stuff has gone on in everyone’s lives, and we’re not trying to do this, but not many people have had lived experience growing up in care, or having social services knock on your door, or having family members taken away, and stuff, and never seeing people again, and trauma. Some people will never have experienced that, and I think it’s so important for social workers to have that real-life sort of awareness.
Absolutely.
Because you get some of it in uni, but you don’t get enough of it, like you just read case reviews, but they’re not people, you need to hear it from the people who got through it, which is what I’ve been trying to do, because I’m not like: ‘oh, du-du-du-du,’ I just think it’s important so they understand that everything that we do has an impact. Because it’s impacted me, and it’s impacting all these people I’ve spoken to. So yeah, that would be the only thing I’d add.