Elle
Elle feels like there was not much support available for her transition to independence. When it was time for her to leave care, Elle stayed in her children’s home as she didn’t know what other options were available to her. She was able to move to supported accommodation for a few months after being moved several times, but she was forced to start working after school to be able to pay rent. She did not feel social services were providing the guidance they should have been.
Overall, Elle felt no one took responsibility for helping her, and that she was constantly being passed between services. As a teenager, Elle struggled with an eating disorder, which meant she spent a lot of time in and out of hospital. She also felt like her social worker did not have a lot of time for her: no pathway plan was put in place for her in preparation for independence. Elle now has a helpful personal advisor, who is providing her with the support she needs.
Elle feels she was forgotten about by the care system. Elle’s PA is her emergency contact; she doesn’t have family to rely on. As a result, she relied on her GP but often felt guilty about contacting her surgery if it wasn’t a medical emergency. She wishes she had been told about who to go to for support during her transition to independence and wishes she had known more about her rights.
Because of how many times she changed accommodations, Elle feels it was hard to make and maintain relationships. To this day, she still feels like she doesn’t have anyone to turn to when life gets difficult.
Elle is a White British woman in her early twenties. She spent most of her teenage years in the care system, and felt she received very little support in her transition to independence. She now works full-time and lives on her own in rented accommodation. Clips read by an actor.
More about me...
In general, Elle feels that care-leavers are at a disadvantage when it comes to securing a job. She is happy in her full-time position now but feels she started having more luck once she stopped telling people she spent her childhood in care.
Elle also felt there was a huge pressure to be “perfect” during her transition out of care: she was scared she would be evicted if she didn’t do everything exactly right. She hopes future care-leavers know that it is okay if things go wrong.
Elle said she never saw her pathway plan, even though she was told she had one. When her social worker didn’t complete it, her care home stepped in to help her prepare for leaving care (read by an actor).
Elle said she never saw her pathway plan, even though she was told she had one. When her social worker didn’t complete it, her care home stepped in to help her prepare for leaving care (read by an actor).
We... we spoke about a pathway plan, but I never actually got one. I’ve been told I have a pathway plan, and it’s somewhere in my file, but I have never seen it.
Which is something I have brought up a few times. But I never saw it. And from what I’ve heard from other people that I was in the second placement with after I turned 18, none of them had theirs either. And it was very like... it felt like people had done the bare minimum to kind of get us through. Whether they had better things to deal with or they just didn’t have the time, I don’t know, but...
Yeah, I was kind of... I had a brief discussion with someone, and obviously I had kind of the reviews and things like that, and I remember them saying, like: “You can stay here for a little while.” Like: “We’re gonna find somewhere else for you to go because you can’t be by yourself yet,” and stuff like this. And then they said, “Oh...” the children’s home were like: “it’s your social worker’s job to do the pathway plan with you.”
My social worker never did the pathway plan, so the care home kind of did other things to help me, like, transition, but, obviously, they can’t specifically do a plan. And then my social worker said it wasn’t her job and it was the job of the next place I went to. And, basically, people were just, like, handing off responsibility, essentially.
Elle said the life skills workbook she was given felt like a tick-box exercise rather than support that made a difference (read by an actor).
Elle said the life skills workbook she was given felt like a tick-box exercise rather than support that made a difference (read by an actor).
We had a workbook, like a, quite thick workbook – it was like this big, maybe – and it was like a... it was some... called something stupid like ‘progressing into adulthood’ or something. And they says that every week our, like, keyworker would go through bits of this workbook with us and it would teach us everything we needed to know about being a grown up.
It was useless. [chuckles] And I think the most it taught me was how to, like, apply for, like, council tax, or whatever. And it taught me like that, I think, and about how you can, like, make sure you turn light switches on and off to save your energy bills. Like, it wasn’t the most descriptive and I ended up having to learn a lot of it by myself anyways. So, but I guess in their eyes, it ticked the box of: ‘we’ve taught you what to do and we’ve shown you how to be a grownup because we gave you something to read.’ You know, so... [chuckles] yeah.
Elle said she was told she had a choice to move to supported accommodation, but there was only one option (read by an actor).
Elle said she was told she had a choice to move to supported accommodation, but there was only one option (read by an actor).
When I turned 18, with the supported accommodation, I was told this is a place you can go if you want to, but I was also told this is the only option: “This is the only place we have, so you can choose to go here if you want, you can say no, but there’s nowhere else for you to go.” So, it wasn’t really a choice, but it was a choice at the same time.
Elle didn’t get support until the last minute, leaving her no time to plan her move, so she stayed in her children’s home past 18 (read by an actor).
Elle didn’t get support until the last minute, leaving her no time to plan her move, so she stayed in her children’s home past 18 (read by an actor).
So, when I kind of turned 18, I was still in a children’s home, so I was kind of at the point where I was ageing out of one. There wasn’t a whole lot of support kind of in the year leading up, the support kind of came in maybe a month or two before my 18th birthday, and then it didn’t really feel like I had long enough to, plan anything.
So, I ended up staying in that specific children’s home for a little bit longer after I turned 18. And then, obviously, I have to start paying rent and things like that. So that was a challenge because obviously, I had to get a job, like working when I’m in school and things like that.
And after that, they were, like, looking for, like, a place in, supported accommodation because I couldn’t, like, live by myself yet. And then I moved from the children’s home to, like, a supported accommodation, which was like a children’s home, but much smaller, and there was only three of us, and it was for people between the age of, like, 16 and 25. It was like very specific support.
And they have like a number of houses, like the company had loads of different houses. And then I was there as I was kind of turning, like, 18, 19. And I did get more support from them there, from the staff, but I never felt like I had loads of support from, like, social services themselves; they were kind of always like in the background.
Elle said living alone gave her freedom she’d never had before and made her realise how different her childhood had been (read by an actor).
Elle said living alone gave her freedom she’d never had before and made her realise how different her childhood had been (read by an actor).
The fact that I could walk out of my flat and go for a walk at 2am in the morning and no-one’s gonna question me. Like, having a new sense of independence and freedom that I didn’t even know was kind of a thing until I lived by myself and I didn’t have people kind of watching everything. So, I think that was the biggest change.
Yeah. Yeah, having like... being able to walk inside, lock the door and know it’s just me in this flat, is something I don’t know how to explain to people who don’t know it.
You know, it’s like, I can leave dishes in the sink and not get shouted out by some other kid who has to do their own dishes. You know, like, not that I wouldn’t care about keeping stuff clean, but it’s the fact that it’s my responsibility and I’m not gonna be told off by someone else for not doing something. And I’m not gonna be watched over 24/7. And I’m not gonna be kind of asked where I’m going, asked what I’m doing, asked to check in. Like, yeah, it’s just freedom that I didn’t really know existed until I lived by myself. And it makes me wonder if kids who aren’t in care, have this all the time, or if they don’t.
Elle wasn’t ready to live independently and was glad to be moved to supported housing, where she received lots of support (read by an actor).
Elle wasn’t ready to live independently and was glad to be moved to supported housing, where she received lots of support (read by an actor).
And so after that, I was then... they were, like, looking for, like, a place in, like, supported accommodation because I couldn’t, like, live by myself yet. And then I moved from the children’s home to, like, a supported accommodation, which was like a children’s home, but much smaller, and there was only three of us, and it was for people between the age of, like, 16 and 25, I think. It was like very specific support.
And they’ve got a number of houses, like the company had loads of different houses. And then I was there as I was kind of turning, like, 18, 19. And I did get more support there from the staff, but I never felt like I had loads of support from, like, social services themselves; they were kind of always a bit in the background.
Elle got her first job at 17, but was moved a month later and couldn’t contact the café, so it looked like she just stopped turning up (read by an actor).
Elle got her first job at 17, but was moved a month later and couldn’t contact the café, so it looked like she just stopped turning up (read by an actor).
I was moved around, like, quickly, like maybe one month somewhere, or, like, three months, another place. When I’d... like, was first turning, like, 15, 16, like, the kind of start of the teenage part of it, I guess, and so I wasn’t really at an age when I had a job. It wasn’t until I hit, like, 17, that I got my first job, and it was just, like, working in a cafe. And then I moved, like, a month later, but I didn’t have... really have any, like, contact details, or anything, so I just had to kind of not show up. And I felt bad. And I felt really bad about it, but there was nothing I could do because my social worker just turned up and was like: “We’re leaving tomorrow.” And that’s it.
So, I think after I got turned down from, like, two or three jobs where it had been mentioned that I was in care, I stopped telling people. And then since I turned 18, I’ve had, like, more full-time jobs instead of, like, having two or three part-time jobs. I’ve stopped... stopped that and had, like, full-time jobs
Elle talked about needing to work just to survive, while others her age were in a better place because they had a headstart (read by an actor).
Elle talked about needing to work just to survive, while others her age were in a better place because they had a headstart (read by an actor).
But I also know that as of now, I don’t have any other option, because, you know, I have bills to pay and I need to buy food and stuff like that. So, you kind of feel like you’re scraping by constantly and everyone else is at a much better place than you are because they got a bit of a head start.
And, like, now I do have a lot of experience working, so I haven’t had any issues, like, getting jobs since, kind of, the age of, like, probably just before I turned 19, I was always, kind of, welcomed with open arms into jobs because I had loads of experience working and I’d been working for ages and I could manage working while studying, and stuff like that, and so people are always quite like impressed by that. But definitely before I had any work experience, it was so difficult to get a job.
Elle felt that personal advisers could better communicate with care leavers by checking in and letting them know when they were going to be off from work (read by an actor).
Elle felt that personal advisers could better communicate with care leavers by checking in and letting them know when they were going to be off from work (read by an actor).
Yeah, I mean, I wish they would have kind of... [sighs] like, the period between face-to-face visits, I wish there had been more contact, like, better communication, better support. It doesn’t even have to be much, but, like... I don’t know, like, an update or a message once a week saying, “How are you? Is there anything I can do?” Like, literally a text message. It doesn’t have to be much. I just wish I had something, you know?
And, like, as well, my PA is my emergency contact, because I don’t have anyone else, so she’s my next of kin, but if she never answers the phone, what am I supposed to do? You know, so it’s just all these kind of things that are a huge struggle when it comes to that. But, like, I just wish she was easier to get ahold of, like, the one person that is supposed to be dealing with my entire life, and yet she’s so difficult to get ahold of on any day that isn’t, like, the one day every two months that she comes to see me. Because chances are, on that day, everything will be fine. And it’s like, what am I supposed to do if something goes wrong? And I just wish I’d been given a bit more, like, detailed support of: “If I don’t answer the phone, you can call this person. Or if I don’t answer the phone, we have a duty line for care leavers, or something,” you know? So just things like that.
Or, like, when you’re on leave, tell me you’re going on leave. Or if you’re off sick, I don’t know, have someone else fill in for you in meetings and things like that, and just don’t... don’t not show up at all. Like, things like that, I just wish there was communication, even if it was a bare minimum – I don’t mind – I just wish there was something, basically.
Elle struggled because her personal adviser was often hard to contact, even though they were the only person she could rely on (read by an actor).
Elle struggled because her personal adviser was often hard to contact, even though they were the only person she could rely on (read by an actor).
Yeah, I mean, I wish they would have kind of... [sighs] like, the period between face-to-face visits, I wish there had been more contact, like, better communication, better support. It doesn’t even have to be much, but, like... I don’t know, like, an update or a message once a week saying, “How are you? Is there anything I can do?” Like, literally a text message. It doesn’t have to be much. I just wish I had something, you know?
And, like, as well, my PA is my emergency contact, because I don’t have anyone else, so she’s my next of kin, but if she never answers the phone, what am I supposed to do? You know, so it’s just all these kind of things that are a huge struggle when it comes to that. But, like, I just wish she was easier to get ahold of, like, the one person that is supposed to be dealing with my entire life, and yet she’s so difficult to get ahold of on any day that isn’t, like, the one day every two months that she comes to see me. Because chances are, on that day, everything will be fine. And it’s like, what am I supposed to do if something goes wrong? And I just wish I’d been given a bit more, like, detailed support of: “If I don’t answer the phone, you can call this person. Or if I don’t answer the phone, we have a duty line for care leavers, or something,” you know? So just things like that.
Or, like, when you’re on leave, tell me you’re going on leave. Or if you’re off sick, I don’t know, have someone else fill in for you in meetings and things like that, and just don’t... don’t not show up at all. Like, things like that, I just wish there was communication, even if it was a bare minimum – I don’t mind – I just wish there was something, basically.
Elle explained that moving so often meant her GP never had her records, making it hard to get care or build trust (read by an actor).
Elle explained that moving so often meant her GP never had her records, making it hard to get care or build trust (read by an actor).
Yeah, so every time I moved I would have to re-register because I would go, like, quite far each time. And so, when I was back in this city, which is where I have been, to be fair, for like the last couple years, it’s just been in different places, I did have a GP registered, but I’d never really been to see them. And they didn’t have any of my previous records from previous GPs, because apparently there was an issue getting hold of them, so it was like having to start brand new.
And it was frustrating, because I was like: if I do have an issue that I don’t feel really comfortable talking to people about, and I have to go to someone that I feel like I can trust, and then I show up at this GP who knows nothing about me, because, apparently, all my medical records can’t be transferred, or whatever, it’s difficult to think: ‘oh, you’re a professional who’s supposed to know what you’re doing, when you know nothing about me.’
So that definitely put in, like, a barrier. I don’t think I ever really went to see the GP for, like, ages until I moved to where I live now, and I’ve lived here for over a year, which is the first time I’ve ever lived somewhere for over a year in, like, six years, so... if not longer, actually.
So... and only, like, six months into living here was I able to be like: ‘OK, I can go to my GP and I can get to know them because it seems like this will be a fixed address.’ Because before, I was a bit hesitant to ever kind of connect with people because I didn’t even know how long I’d be staying.
Elle: at 18 you start to have a say in how your life is run – you can make decisions like a grown up (read by an actor).
Elle: at 18 you start to have a say in how your life is run – you can make decisions like a grown up (read by an actor).
And so don’t think that when you turn 18, everyone forgets about you, because there’ll be at least one person who, on paper, legally still has to be involved. And kind of use them as much as you can because you might find that they were the kind of only lifeline you really had.
And I just wish I’d reached out for help sooner, I think. And I’m not saying that it’s easy, or it’s easy to fix, or it happens instantly, or it happens overnight, but I’m just saying that be careful how many people you push away, because at some point, people stop coming back. And then it’s only then that you’re gonna regret it, basically. But also that it gets better now.
Like, before you turn 18, as a care leaver, as a... someone in care, your life’s dictated by grownups and by everyone around you, and you have no say, but the moment you turn 18, you get to make your own decisions, and you finally have a say. And even though they’re still treating you like children, you can make decisions like a grownup, and you... you don’t make decisions like a child anymore and no-one’s making decisions for you – you actually get a say in how your life is run.
And that was, like, one of the best things for me, was actually being able to be involved in decisions. And use that. You know, like, use the ability to say what you want, and the... use the fact that you’re over 18 to get what you want, basically, because you have that chance now, and you didn’t have it for years.
Trust goes both ways, talk to the people you’re looking after, communicate honestly and be reliable (read by an actor).
Trust goes both ways, talk to the people you’re looking after, communicate honestly and be reliable (read by an actor).
And we do still need help. And we’re not saying we don’t need help, but we need you to know, and we need to know that you’re gonna be there regardless of what we say, or what we do, or how we might feel. And that you choose us, and that you want to help us, because we’ve never had that direct support from anyone, and this is your kind of chance that once someone turns 18, this is the last chance they have to have that support from someone before they’re left in the world by themself.
And I know myself, I’ve tested those boundaries, and I pushed those people away, and they left, but I wish someone had thought, ‘oh, why is she pushing us away? Maybe it’s because she’s never had anyone to support her or to trust her. We need to prove to her that she can trust us.’ Because trust goes both ways. And if I can’t trust you, I’m never gonna let myself trust you, and you’re never gonna trust me, and you’re never gonna let me do things that I wanna do.
And I think that people have a real misconception of what it’s like to leave care, and until they meet the kids and the people that go through it, they’re still gonna have that misconception. And it’s like talk to the people that you’re looking after, actually be involved, like actually communicate. Like, if you’re running late, tell them that you’re running late, don’t just show up half an hour late, you know?
Like, even if you’re worried about what not telling someone might do, like or what telling... Like, I don’t know, say there’s a meeting and there’s been bad news and you’re like: ‘oh, we can wait two weeks to tell them because they don’t... we... we don’t wanna upset them,’ that just highlights the fact, for me, that I can’t trust you because you’re not being honest with me. So it’s like no matter how hard a conversation would be, you should still have the conversation with them, basically.
And, like... and the fact that each and every one of us needs help, we just don’t know how to ask for it.