Abdul

Yeah, she just asked me: “What do you want?” And stuff. It’s just silly questions. I answered even before she said, “We have to do it every... in six months,” which is, I don’t think that it’s useful. So, I told her the same thing.

Oh, OK, OK. So, is there some way that it could be changed so it is useful for you?

There is nothing that can be changed, because pathway plan means the things that I’ve done before, or it’s a thing that is what I need now and what I need for the future. That’s what it is for, so it doesn’t change.

OK.

Even if it changes, it’s not useful. I don’t find it useful because maybe it is to support us, but for me, coming and asking us every single time, I don’t think it’s useful. They say maybe every six months is fine, but, me, I don’t like it, personally – I get too much question – I don’t like it.

So, now I don’t know why they said that they want me to get out of the house, ’cause they say that the landlord wants it, which doesn’t make sense. ’cause then I asked, I said they are having a problem with me, so they say that the landlord wants it, and I said, “I can’t do anything about it ’cause it’s not my house,” but still. I take care of that house very good, like no young person cannot take that huge house on his own. I’m 100 precent sure ’cause I have friends and when I see them, they can’t... maybe they can clean their home, or at least you can find some things that they cannot see, or, I don’t know how to say it, but.

Yeah. It’s not actually dust, but I’m not saying that I’m purely clean, but compared to the others, yes, I’m very clean. Even I mentioned it to my PA, the manager of my council and everyone, so... They even come and check my house every two months, so when they come and check it, they know it. Even the organisation that takes care of me, they give me a compliment every time. Like, I cook, I clean, I take care of myself, like hygiene, everything, with my clothes, everything, I’m good with it, they know it. But now, they took me out of that house, where I’m comfortable, and they put me into another house, maybe, let’s say, four months ago, something like that. And then now, since I moved to that house, my life became miserable, really miserable, because, one: it’s not clean, it seems like a dumpster, a damp place, it’s a damp place, ’cause the smell you can’t go through. Even the house is not clean. I share it with one person and he’s from some part of Asia. But still, it’s not clean, I mean, yeah, I don’t know how he lives in that place, and there is a way different smell in that house, still now, even now, when I’m talking about it, huh, I can sense it.

So, they took me out of that clean, pure house, where I can breathe fresh air, to the house that, even if I open the window, I’m smelling damp.

The second place, actually, was very nice, ’cause I stayed there for a whole year in that place, especially for almost... or let’s say, more than 10 months I lived alone in that house. It’s a two-bedroom flat, but one bedroom is closed; my bedroom and the whole house was for me, alone. I loved that house, I loved it so much, I used to say that is my house. I kept it clean; I don’t need anyone to come and clean my house. They usually have staff that come in and clean it every month, and every month or two, I’m not sure, but... When she always comes, she says that I made her job easy, I made her life easy, ’cause already my house is clean; I don’t struggle with those things.

They took me out of that house, where I’m comfortable, and they put me into another house, maybe, let’s say, four... four months ago, something like that. And then now, since I moved to that house, my life became miserable, really miserable, because, one: it’s not clean, it seems like a dumpster, a damp place, it’s a damp place, ’cause the smell you can’t go through. Even the house is not clean. I share it with one person and he’s from some part of Asia. But still, it’s not clean, I mean, yeah, I don’t know how he lives in that place, and there is a way different smell in that house, still now, even now, when I’m talking about it, huh, I can sense it.

So, they took me out of that clean, pure house, where I can breathe fresh air, to the house that, even I open the window, I’m smelling damp.

So, then they took me to that house, I started living there. I hated it. I used to cook, and now, I’m not cooking. I used to take care of myself, like, I still take care of myself, like, huh, when I say that, I don’t mean I’m... I’m being stinky, or stuff, but everything is not right, Even me, before I wasn’t happy, but now, it made me more depressed, because it’s not good, the house and everything. ’cause the first time when I went into that house, there are moulds on the walls, like algae, and stuff; it was so dirty.

I was kind of happy at the moment, at that time, ’cause I thought I had someone who was taking care of me. I thought someone... I had someone who loves me. But those things changed after a while, like after I got my status. I don’t know why these guys changed on me, but... ’cause I haven’t done anything bad to them, ’cause as far as I know, as far as everyone knows me, I’m a good guy, respectful, and a kind guy. Out of a sudden, those guys who take care of me, they change... they suddenly changed on me. Even when I got my status, they said that: “I’m sure that your behaviour is gonna change.” I didn’t understand what they meant, because, like, when people say that, actually, I thought it means that I am going to be a kind of person, like greedy person, ’cause I have my status now. No one’s gonna say things to me and stuff, but I’m not that kind of person. I don’t know how you do... they think about it, but the thing was on me, ’cause they were the one who really changed on me, because I’m there, being kind, even though they are disrespecting me, or not disrespect, being, let’s say, offensive, or they don’t really care about me. And then, now they started now bringing some bad things onto me, like they start saying that I’m a bad person, I’m disrespectful, even in college I’m not a good guy. But everything is a lie ’cause this organisation that I’m now in, other places, even since I came to this country, my foot stepped into this country the first time, up to now, I have, like, many, many... what is it called...? It’s not evidence, and I have lots of new witnesses that says that [name], as a person, is a good guy, and stuff, but I don’t know why those guys changed on me.

Then they’ll tell you that you got an address, and then from there, you go to move to the address that you got. And then, from then, I think that’s when my life started, I think so. ’cause I came to this country last year, and then after... I moved to [City], it was like maybe two or three month was just wasted, just moving me from place to place, and stuff. And then, when I came to [City], everything started from the beginning. 
 
I already started before, but it wasn’t nothing necessary, ’cause when I came to [City], I applied for GP, optician, the dentist, everything started. And then, I was kind of happy at the moment, at that time, ’cause I thought I had someone who was taking care of me. I thought someone... I had someone who loves me. 

The other advice, especially for the caring body or organisation: please understand us. When we say things, try to be in our shoes and think about it. Because they don’t really understand what we talk about. When we say that we are depressed, they will say, “Just go outside and play football,” and stuff. No. If that stress would go out with football, me, I’m playing football my whole life. Starting from back home, or let’s say, even after I came to this country, I’m playing football the whole year. Nothing. I played football, maybe I forget that time when I play football. After I play it, it comes back again. At least, what I want to say is, please understand what we’re talking about. Try to be in our shoes to understand what we’re talking about. When we say that we are sick, we are depressed, we are unhappy. When we say that these things are unfair, try to understand us. Don’t say that. Do you know what they say? They say, “Just be grateful you have a roof over your head,” and stuff. I know that. I don’t want you even to remind me about that and I’m already grateful about it, but there are some things inside that I cannot explain.   
 
I don’t know how to say it. I can’t explain the things that I need inside me, but I need that thing. I don’t know how to say it. ’cause if I knew what my problem is, I would have solved it. ’cause there’s a saying that says, ‘if you know what your problem is, you already solved 50 percent of it.’ So, if we knew what our problem is, why we are stressing? We wouldn’t even come and ask you for that thing. So, when you ask something, try to be in our shoes. Think about it, at least. I know you can’t think, you can’t imagine because you haven’t been in that situation, but at least, instead of saying, “You have this, you have that,” at least, even though you don’t understand, at least try to comfort us, like: “Everything’s gonna be fine,” and stuff, you know? At least, when we hear those things, it’s going to calm us, in my view. ’cause I’m here experiencing the same things as the others, so...