I:        [Um] In an ideal world where you’re the puppet master how would you help people deal with loneliness? How, what services would be available? What kind of support would be available?

I think more, more, more groups where you can go and talk, and there’s no pressure, it’s not classed as therapy. I think, I think there’s still stigma attached to, “Oh you’re going to therapy.” You get, you know you need that help. I don’t think it’s necessarily that you need help, I think it’s just you need to talk. Like writing it out on paper, you just, just groups of people just talking to each other and sharing experiences. If you could provide that and make it more accessible to everyone, it would be better. It’s not so much that you need to have one on one therapy with someone to deal with loneliness, it’s, it’s finding that connection with people who have similar experiences, to make them know that they will get through it, they will be okay, and that other people feel it too. [Um] So I think some kind of support, not, I don’t want to say support group cos I don’t, I don’t, it is support but it’s not support. It’s more an understanding group.

I haven’t ever joined a group because that would make it, I don’t know if that would, that would help because I just feel like in that group other people will just be maybe desperate for friendships I don’t know, I mean that just came into my mind, came into my head like some people are lonely they just want, they’re just happy to be friends with anyone and obviously that’s not what I want either. I want friendships to be genuine like proper friendships that weren’t you need to have a rapport, a rapport and genuine fondness for each other and a likeness, a likeness with appreciation for each other’s company.

You briefly talked about groups.

I haven’t talked about anything briefly.

You just mentioned that a lot of people that you know, a lot of your friends, suggested that you go to groups. Whether that is walking groups or… You seem to have an adamant opinion against going. Why?

I have adamant opinions about everything. I don’t have adamant opinions about…you know against going you know for other people. It’s just like I personally think that many of those groups are formed by people who are all looking for someone to do stuff with. So, for instance – I have done things in groups that have worked really well, and I have done things in groups that haven’t –So for instance I wanted… I had to be on crutches for ten weeks in 2017 and, very much like someone in prison, I gave myself hope with aholiday. So, I said, ‘As soon as I am okay, I am going somewhere’. A year later, when the doctor said to me, ‘Okay, you’re good you know. That’s it, we’re done’. You know I was sitting in front of the doctor and said like, ‘Doctor, I am going to Africa’ and he is like, ‘Really?’ and I was like, ‘Yes!’. ‘Is this a posh safari?’, I said, ‘No, there’s nothing posh about it’. So, you know I basically went to Africa for four and a half weeks and I joined a group in Nairobi. They put us in a converted lorry, and they drove us all the way to Victoria Falls. And you know it was amazing. I had never been in Africa, I had never gone camping, I had never travelled in a group. It was brilliant. I found a great group. I tend to get along… In my head, I am 35 so you know it’s like I get along with people who are in their 30s, you know I always get along with people who are in their 30’s. And you know it’s just like I don’t see the difference between us, yes I’ve been in the world for longer than you, but honestly, you know in terms of my goals, the way I behave, the way I communicate, the things I like, I see no difference. This group, the people were from 32 to 22, 21 and I had a great experience. And like my closest friend in the trip was at the time 21, you know a girl from the Netherlands. We became really really good friends, and we still are really really good friends. And you know it was an incredible experience, but you know basically I don’t think the group was formed on the basis of loneliness. The group was formed on the basis of an interest. Everyone wanted an adventure, everyone wanted to see Africa in a different way, you see?

When you go to these groups, the walking group and all of that stuff, they are very stereotypical, you know it’s very stereotypical. So for instance, I joined… when I arrived in my town – I live in a small town with 24,000 people. So, I speak several languages and I met some people that you know were English but spoke other languages, so they started language circles. So there was one for Spanish, one for Italian, one for French and I joined all of them. I found that all the people who were coming were all people who were retired and you know it’s just like, ‘Oh my God, really, really?’. You know we didn’t have the same interests. And you know basically they do it… I don’t know why they do it, but you know many people do it just to fight loneliness. I think when you get together with people because you’re trying to fight loneliness, it just doesn’t work because you mix people who don’t really have the same interests but are just there because they have nowhere no one else to be with. I think that… If you can join a group of people who goes climbing you know maybe that’s different. You have to find something that you all like and that maybe works. I personally… you know I haven’t found a lot of success in that kind of thing.

But lots of our helplines as unpaid carers has been cut through the decade of austerity so, you know, you can try in vain when you need help but there’s really nothing there or the organisations have, have limited their, you know, helpline to outside of 24/7. So the mental health team are not there and xxxxxxxxxxx that there was at one stage, you know, about I think probably during the last Labour Government when there was a lot more stuff, it was still xxxx and struggling as a carer not feel on your own and you had to look for everything but if you looked there was something out there but now you can look and you won’t find anything basically, so it can be really lonely.