Living with dementia and memory problems

I’m just trying to get a picture of, you know, what your kind of, your normal day, your normal week sort of entails really.

I’m going to say this, right, I’m waiting to, really to be told what to do is; that puts it in a nutshell doesn’t it? You, prompt me, this needs doing or that needs doing, or if I see you putting your boots on I know, I know I need to go in the garden and do that.

OK, all right, well that makes sense. So, I mean you’re, you’re happy to do things but you, you feel like you just need a nudge?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m fairly competent in the things that I do now aren’t I, aren’t I?

Totally domestic me, totally domesticated I am.

Brilliant.

Though I, though I, I don’t do the ironing.

Okay.

I peg the washing out and bring it in and things like that.

And do you like to cook?

I do, I do the cooking and, the laborious things that need to be done. Mary does the laundry, amongst other things.

So, what do you like doing most days?

Oh, whatever there is to do around the house. I don’t really have anything specific that I think oh I have to do this and I have to do; it’s just really everything every day, whatever. If I feel like sitting and not doing much, I don’t, if I watch the television.

Babysitting [laughs] looking after the little ones really; that’s more or less, isn’t it? It’s, there’s, I can’t think, there’s nothing that I can say, well I do this every week or; it’s, it’s just everyday work, housewife, cleaning, washing and whatever else, television, if the; yeah, that’s all it, that’s it.

Lorraine: Yeah, I’ll give him tasks. And as far as the house goes, I mean I did have him vacuuming the other week, so I just let him loose with the vacuum, and he still has the bins job, taking rubbish, but.

You get all the best jobs, Derek.

Derek: Exactly, yeah, yeah.

[Laughs] Hoovering and bins and weeding [laughter]. 

Derek: Yeah.

Lorraine: But all you get from him, because obviously there’s different colour bins, so it’s like, “This is for the green bin,” which.

Derek: I set, I’ll set off.

Lorraine: Which in this area’s the recycle.

Derek: “What colour was it?” [Laughter].

Lorraine: So, I’m going, “Green, green,” about three times for him getting to the front door.

Derek: “Was that green did you say?” [Laughter].

You need a flag system [laughs].

Derek: Yeah, yeah [laughs].

Lorraine: And then, then [laughs] he comes back it’s, “This is for the grey bin,” so [laughs].

Derek: Why don’t you put colours on them; that one, that one. [Interviewer laughs].

Lorraine: So, but I think it’s, you know, I think it’s important that he feels needed.

Derek: Mm.

Lorraine: I think we all need to feel needed by something, someone [laughs] whatever, but, but yeah.

Derek: Mm.

Trish: I think I learnt from the course that Howard had to do, had to, it sounds weird this word ‘allow’ I had to allow Howard to do whatever he want, whatever he could and wanted to do and I must not interfere. So, Howard does our recycling in an interesting way, so, but, you know, he’s doing it full stop.

So we are, this is how we deal with it and I a hundred percent know, as Howard does, and he keeps staying active, he has to remain active and keep using your head and he’s doing that successfully; how long the disease will take, you know, we don’t know, but.

Howard: Keep the washing up going.

Trish: But he’s doing as much as he possibly can for him.

Howard: Routine, routine and keeping, keeping busy.

Trish: You do a lot really.

Howard: I know.

Trish: I think you do.

Howard: Yeah, I want to, I want to.

Trish: I’m very happy that you vacuum, I have no problem with that. [Interviewer laughs].

Howard: Oh that, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Howard: Well I.

Trish: Or do the, or do the recycling in a bizarre way.

Howard: Yeah, well, well as I said I, I’ve got, yeah, I don’t mind anymore; for the life of me I can’t do the…

Trish: Because I used to do all the recycling stuff before.

Howard: No, I can’t do, I can’t do [laughs] eh?

Trish: You can’t do what?

Howard: The dryer, the tumble dryer and all of that, I don’t know what I’m doing as far as that’s concerned.

Carl: You like to cook, don’t you?

Joan: That’s because you’re always hungry, you see [laughter]. Oh dear [laughs]. Yeah.

Carl: Sorry [laughs].

No, no, it’s all right. So, so I bet you are a good cook then?

Joan: I can do a bit [laughs].

What sort of, what do you like to cook?

Joan: Oh, anything that’s out there I can, I don’t mind, but I cook [laughs].

Do you bake as well or?

Joan: I do bake, yes, I do.

Carl: But not as much as one time.

Joan: I used to, yes, I used to bake a lot more. But I haven’t got any kids now, the little ones, they’ve all gone and with their parents that; so, I don’t need to do a much, much baking now. And, and if I cook, I might cook extra so I don’t have to cook again tomorrow [laughs].

Trish: And cooking, Howard wants to do our cooking.

Howard: Yeah.

Trish: So that has changed somewhat in the last few years in the respect that I now buy Charlie Bingham and we now buy, you know, fillets of chicken that is covered in something or other. So, Howard can; you don’t mind me talking about this do you?

Howard: No.

Trish: Howard just switches on the oven and pops it in the oven and we put it on a timer. Originally timing was a challenge so I bought Alexa; so, we tell Alexa timing forty-five minutes. Howard hated Alexa. [Howard laughs] So what he’s now able to do is that he knows, you are aware how long something takes and he’ll check it properly [Howard laughs] because it did cause friction because things were going in the oven before the red light was off and it wasn’t being cooked properly.

But I, I also, I’ve also done things like we’ve had an induction hob installed because a tea towel was left on the other electric hob and it sort of burnt, so induction hob means that nobody can get burnt. And I’ve also had a Quooker tap put in because I’ve also, I’ve actually got arthritis, but lifting heavy kettles is a possible danger in the future; so, you’ve actually mastered that and you’re quite happy with that tap, aren’t you?

Howard: Mm.

Trish: So, it, it’s little things like that that you have to think into the future.

Howard: Into, yeah.

Trish: We don’t need it now but, in the future we don’t want tea towels left on the top of a hob and setting fire to something.

So, what do you like, Tony what do you like doing just in a general day? What sort of activities do you like, enjoy?

Tony: Well, nothing like I used to really.

Moira: No, but what do you do now though?

Tony: Potter round the garden really.

Moira: Mm.

Tony: Mow the lawn perhaps, fiddle around with the pond, collect dead leaves, empty, help empty the dustbins, put them out once a week – fairly mindless tasks.

Important ones that need doing, aren’t they? [Laughs].

Tony: Yes.

Moira: Mm.

Tony: I suppose so, yes. And it, it gives you some, makes you feel a bit a useful, well without you straining.

You’ve got a fabulous garden.

Tony: Yes, which I need really. I think that’s about the only thing I’ve got left now; other, other things that require mindfulness I don’t do them anymore.

Moira: Mm. He’s always been a, a gardener, always liked gardening.

Tony: So, I just hope I don’t lose that.

I see you’ve got a bird table as well.

Tony: Yes, I enjoy that.

Lorraine: Oh yes, yeah. No, I think for both of us, we don’t stay in the house much, you know, it’s not that we don’t like being home but I know that for Derek and myself, we need to get out there. Shame the weather’s not better; we do enjoy the garden, don’t we?

Derek: Yeah, yeah.

Oh, do you do some gardening, Derek?

Derek: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you any good?

Lorraine: Well generally weeding.

Derek: Lorraine, Lorraine puts it all back where I put it [laughter] but yeah, we do gardening [laughs].