Marian
Marian’s mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease in her 90s. She was caring from a distance from her mother who lives 5 hours away. When the Covid-19 pandemic started, Marian chose to live in her mother’s house. Marian has Lasting Power of Attorney for her mother’s health and welfare. At the time of interview, Marian’s mother did not have care workers to support her, but began to search for support to help with her mother’s care.
Marian, aged 71, is retired and caring for her mother. She was caring for her mother from a long distance until the Covid-19 pandemic, when she moved in to her mother’s house to support her. Marian is White British and educated to post-graduate level.
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Marian lives with her mother who is based in a rural area of England and surrounded by farmland. She has a close relationship with her mother and her siblings. Marian works closely with her family members to support her mother and they provide Marian with emotional support. The family gather through Zoom or use WhatsApp to discuss health decisions and care for their mother.
Marian’s mother’s forgetfulness has become more severe and Marian has started to search for support to help her with her mother’s care. Marian found some difficulty trying to find support in the rural region where her mother resides. Available services are 20-40 miles away and Marian was unsure if there was support available in the nearest village.
Marian describes when she temporarily moved into her mother’s house to support her.
Marian describes when she temporarily moved into her mother’s house to support her.
I went up on about the 11th of April and I have effectively been there ever since, although I’ve had, you know, a week off here, a fortnight off there, I had three weeks off there, kind of thing, with a lot of emotional support from the family and a lot of… also a lot of toing and froing with other people coming and kind of covering. And what I noticed then was that she was actually much less competent than I had realised, and much more forgetful.
Marian talks about her mother’s out of character temper.
Marian talks about her mother’s out of character temper.
I mean… she had an accident on the way to the loo where she was fecally incontinent and wasn’t aware of it, but I think may have known somehow that something had gone wrong, and I ended up clearing up and sorting all that out, and… and then trying to get her to get dressed and she was really recalcitrant and cross with me, and I think that’s where I felt some… she was aware that something had… had gone wrong but she didn’t… couldn’t remember, didn’t know, was just out of sorts, and then later that morning when I was doing… I was doing the AGA, I was taking the ashcan out and she shrieked at me, and I mean she just said, “It’s cold with that door open,” which she says all the time, but it’s cold, [angry voice] “it’s cold with that door open,” and I was… and I was disproportionately upset, you know, just was the wrong thing at the wrong time, and I went upstairs and cried, and that was the point at which… and I… and I contacted my daughter, I contacted my sister and told them both, and they were both lovely, and my sister was saying, “Look, you need more support than you’re getting,” and that might be support for Mum.