Julie
Julie’s friend was diagnosed with mixed dementia in approximately 2018. She has Lasting Power of Attorney for her friend’s property and financial affairs and health and welfare. She manages her friend’s medical appointments, medications, finances and overall day-to-day care. At the time of interview, Julie’s friend was not receiving support from care workers.
Julie, aged 76, is retired and caring for her friend who lives in the same town. She is the primary carer for her friend and manages her day-to-day care. Julie also attends local support group activities with her friend. She is White British.
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Julie had interactions with her friend from a mutual society they both attended. She became the primary carer of her friend’s care after her friend’s husband passed away. Julie visits her friend frequently and they enjoy trips together. Julie and her friend attend the local dementia support groups that meet once a month in the neighbouring town.
Julie thought there were more barriers to managing care for someone who is not a next of kin or a relation, despite having Lasting Power of Attorney. Managing bill payments and finances can be particularly challenging. Julie felt it took time for her to realise that she was a carer for someone and that she needed more support as a carer to manage her friend’s care.
Julie describes her friend’s physical fitness over her own.
Julie describes her friend’s physical fitness over her own.
I mean [friend’s], what… five years older than me, no, [coughs] sorry… nearly six years older than me, but physically she’s fitter than I am, so although we’re five years in, she could go on for a long time yet and, you know, and there’s every possibility that she might outlive me.
Julie explains about managing the day-to-day with her friend and the clutter in the house.
Julie explains about managing the day-to-day with her friend and the clutter in the house.
I mean I… you know, I try and grab the post before she does and say, “Oh, that’s for you, that’s for you, and that’s a bill for me,” or something, or, “that’s important, I need to keep that,” you know, her tax coding and thing came the other day, and they just disappear in the house, and everything disappears. I had a red bill the other day, and I had to get in touch with them and say, “Look, I’m sorry about this, but I didn’t know the bill had come,” because she swears that she hadn’t had one, and I can’t find it because you just can’t find anything in her house’; there’s stacks of stuff everywhere.
I mean she’s even started forgetting to put the rubbish out on a Thurday night, and I remind her: by the time she’s got to the car, to the door, she’s forgotten, and if I go in earlier and say, “Oh, shall we put the rubbish out now?” “No, no, no, I’ll do that later. No, no, leave it, I’ll do it later,” which is OK most of the time because there isn’t anything really, you know, nasty there because she doesn’t cook, but there are times when I thought oh god “Let’s get this out of here,” and then she’ll put it round the side of the house, because there’s a little alleyway at the side by the back gate, and she’ll put it round there, and there’s bags there that have been there since before [friend’s husband’s name] died.
Julie talks about her friend’s inappropriate comments to others.
Julie talks about her friend’s inappropriate comments to others.
She can be very embarrassing in public, very embarrassing in public, she… all the time she’s saying to people things like “Oh, she only comes here because there’s a man here,” about me, “and she’s always after the men,” and all this sort of thing, and, “oh, you’ve done this, and you’ve done that,” and she tells them, “Oh, she always bullies me, she does this to me, and she does that,”
But it can be very embarrassing sometimes with a stranger.
On one occasion: she came out of the bedroom and she looked at my grandson who was then… he must have been just 14, and his mate that we’d taken with us, who was also 14, and she looked at them and they were on their… you know, these devices that they’re on all the time now, and she said, “I hope you’re not looking at naked girls on there,” and they said, “No, [friend’s name], we’re not,” and he… she said, “Well, if you’re looking at naked men, that’s ever worse,” and of course, there’s [daughter’s name] and I, my daughter, cringing, and I’m saying, “[friend’s name], do you want a cup of tea,” [huh] I said to the boys afterwards, I said, “I’m really sorry, she said something like that,” you know, and they said, “It’s all right, don’t worry, we understand,” you know, but, you know, she is inclined to be very inappropriate at times, [chuckles] so she just sort of forgets that you can’t do things.