They are wonderful. They are brilliant. They are just my boys. I mean Alex and David function so very well that people generally don’t know that they have got anything… After about two or three visits they would see that there was something but they couldn’t quite work out what it is. I mean we have visual prompts around the house. They have got a list that I keep on their computer, so before they are allowed to sit at their computer, they have got to go through their job list. And David tells everyone about all these terrible jobs that he has, you know, and they say, oh when he went to CFCS. “I have to do my jobs.” And I am sure they were thinking, shes got them working as slaves, you know. And they would say, “Well what are the jobs David?” “I have to wash my face and my teeth.” And all these things, so they know what they have to do and theres all these visual prompts that they function at a very high level. David the more stimulated, he is a bit of a whirling dervish really.

So you have to sort of pull him right back down. But with homeopathic remedies and things, he is okay and he is in a very controlled environment. I mean as soon as he has an audience, David, he becomes a bit of an actor. So you would see it with David more than you would see it with Alex, Alex is just a cool dude and very laid back and he is okay.

Helen’ [pause] er huh. I don’t know. I kind of just, he is Josh.
Jason’ Hm.
Helen’ He is who he is, you know. You take him as you find him. If you don’t like it get out of his life.
Jason’ But hes ….
Helen’ But hes highly intelligent so don’t treat him like a fool. He will hold a conversation with you if he likes you and so long as it is something he wants to talk about
Jason’ It is very tricky to…
Helen’ Yes that one is isn’t it. Hes … he is funny, he can be really funny.
Jason’ Hm.
Helen’ And he has quite an ironic sense of humour. Truly hasn’t he? He has got quite a good sense of humour.
Jason’ Yes.
Helen’ But in the next breath he can’t cope with what I would call across the road humour. You know most of them sit and have a snigger at… but that is completely over his head. He has quite an evil sense of humour. Probably the opposite end of the humour to my, not particularly evil, but hes … no I don’t know.
Jason’ Hm.
Helen’ I don’t know. We have struggled haven’t we to try and discuss this with the family.
Jason’ He is energetic. Verbose. Quite quiet really in his own…
Helen’ When?
Jason’ Well he is. He is noisy but he is very, he is not… it is not the same sort of noise as…
Helen’ As a normal child.
Jason’ Any normal child his age.
Helen’ His is incessant chatter.
Jason’ And it could be about anything. Anything! He will reel off out of the middle of nowhere. He will just reel off an advert that he has seen on the telly, but it could be weeks ago and you sort of thing, well where did that come from?
Helen’ We get this one at the moment. Adverts are his forte at the moment. If something goes wrong in the kitchen, “Oh well, you need blah blah blah blah blah.” My tin opener was playing up the other day and there one that you put on top and it goes round on its own or something. I have seen the advert once or twice and he just reels it verbatim. And he is just like where did that come from…? I don’t know… Josh… that would be a tricky one. I don’t know. You kind of accept him as he is, you know, he is our son but …
Jason’ He goes off in all directions.
Helen’ Hm. Yes, he is…. No, I couldn’t describe him. He is too complex to describe. In any case I throw him in room with people and let him get on with it [laughs].

But he is a happy child, for an autistic child he laughs a lot, you know, he smiles a lot. Do you know everybody comments on it. He is a really good looking boy, you know what I mean. So everybody says it is a pity he is autistic because you would take him home to your daughters you know, but he is a sort of a… as you now autism has degrees. Some kids are morose, some of them don’t want to be bothered you know. He is quite personable, you know, he is all right with company, he is all right with people around him you know and except for his little behavioural spats which nobody can, you can’t see them coming, they just happen. Like he could be smiling one minute and go for you the next so that is the difficult bit. But over all I would say for an autistic child he is fairly happy you know. So….

You asked what he was like. Just wonderful [laughs]. You know he has got such wonderful little ways about him. You know he is absolutely gorgeous. Living with Jonathan is an absolute delight. That is, an unbelievable experience I would never want to miss, ever. You know if I had to go through life without an autistic son, that would be really hard to choose, because he is wonderful. He is a superb human being. The worry is that society will not accept him as he is and he will not have a part in society. That is the worry. That is the only reason that I don’t want him to be exactly as he is. But he is a superb human being and he is wonderful to be with.

The bit that is difficult for us as a family, the bit that makes it a strain, such an incredible strain, is the fact that he, and therefore he and I, have to face society with those differences that society just doesn’t understand. That makes it hard. But being the way he is as such is absolutely wonderful, incredible little thing he is [laughs].

Okay. Well Arthur is 11 now and he is very full on [laughs]. He wants to be busy all the time. He is not a child who would just sit and read a book or would just you know. He kind of… it is like his mind is working overtime all the time but he is very self involved. My sister says he is selfish, very ego, egocentric as they say in the autistic spectrum books. Although when you point out to him that you know, “Oh you know what you have said, you know, that is horrible.” He will go, “Oh I am sorry, I am sorry.” And you know, “I didn’t mean it. I am just joking.” You know. He kind of, he has a… oh how can I explain it. Yes, he wants to be more like, he is quite funny, like on the autism, National Autistic Society thing, their newsletter. There was another one in this last one, about a research study about the mechanisms of personal memory of children with high functioning autism or Asperger’s syndrome. So I said to him, I said, “Oh Arthur there is study about…” and I read it to him. And he goes, “My autism is not high functioning. I have control over it,” [laughs] because he didn’t quite get it that you know, high functioning autism is a set thing to Asperger’s. You know, it was kind of like that must mean that autism has got control of you if its high functioning, you know.

He likes to… Arthur likes to think, he is very, I don’t know how do you explain it. He is not arrogant but he thinks he is very capable and he knows a lot, like he is very knowledgeable and that because I think I was always worried about his self esteem because I think often, you see, I think that is one of the things, with Tourettes syndrome and the tics and twitches, if they have got it on their own without the Asperger’s syndrome I think they can become very socially aware and conscious of their movements and their habits and everything, but having Asperger’s syndrome as well, it kind of, in they don’t have that awareness which can be a blessing in a way, because as I say a lot of children with just Tourettes , people with Tourettes syndrome can be very prone to depression because they are so self conscious.

Well with Arthur having the Asperger’s syndrome as well, which I didn’t know about, but I have always tried to kind of boost his self esteem because it is something that I never wanted, I was always worried that he would have a complex about his difficulties, but it is quite hard getting that balance right, because I think it is kind of gone the other way now [laughs]. And I think it’s a good thing to a degree, as long as I hope this is never a point, where it is like, he discovers you know, that he thinks otherwise, but he is like he wants a girlfriend, you know, he probably wouldn’t want me to tell you this [laughs]. So I said to him, “Well are there any girls at your school?” You know it is kind of like an 11 year old boy normally wouldn’t go to their mum and say, “Oh mum, I want a girlfriend.” You know, but with Asperger’s as it is they kind of do tell you everything [laughs]. He says he wants a girlfriend. So I said to him, “Oh are there any girls at your school?” “No there is only two girls. Don’t like them.”

Alison He is healthy. He is well. He is the most loving little kid that you could possibly want.

Tony When he wants to be yes. He can be a pain in the neck.

Alison He was then but he is a lot, lot better now.

Tony When he kicks you in the shins and calls you horrible names then yes, he is great isn’t he. Yes. Terrific [laughs].

Alison He has his moments yes [laughs].

Tony Yes, about three a day normally.

Alison Yes, but he is going through this phase at the moment with me about how much he loves me. Because every night I put him to bed and I then say “Goodnight. God Bless. Love you.” And as I am walking off he will go, “Love you more.” And I go, “No, you don’t. I love you morer.” “No I love you morer. I love you two and a half million.” And I say, “Well I love you two point seven six one four million.” “No but I love you twenty three two point seven six million then.” And it just goes on and on and on. And oh it is his big thing at the minute about how much he loves me all the time which is quite nice really. After all the time he used to tell me he hated me. Now all of a sudden he loves me you know.

Tony He still tells you he hates you when he is told to do something he doesn’t want to do. When he can’t have a chocolate biscuit because it’s five minutes before dinner.

Alison He has got this thing, because they do a merit system at school. They are doing merits for doing good things at school so if I do anything wrong or if Tony does anything wrong, or Fiona or whatever, and he well wrong in his eyes that he doesn’t agree with, that because we have said no he can’t have something, then right that is it you are losing a merit. That is it we have lost a merit haven’t we? We are in trouble.

Tony Yes. Try not to be disappointed. We get on with life.

Alison Oh well never mind. I will have to lose my merit. Never mind. You know. Bless him.

Tony Yes. Bless him.

How would you describe Charlie to me?

Oh he is very funny. He has got an unbelievable sense of humour. He really is quite funny. He likes trying to make himself laugh. He likes to make other people laugh. If he can make you laugh then you know he has scored one. He is very much into his Sponge Bob. He is very much into planes right now, it used to be cars, now it is planes. So very animated and because he is very flexible because of the … as well, he is incredibly animated. He will dance. He is constantly on the move. I mean even if he is sitting there tired watching TV he is still moving something. He is very much into his numbers.

He loves his big brother to the point where we are trying to separate them. I mean for years they have been sleeping in a double bed. I have got bunk beds. I have got bunk beds. The bottom bed is slightly larger. At one point Charlie got into the bottom with Jack and from that point it has never gone. They are still together. Now Jack is like sort of pressed against the wall at eight years old going okay I have had enough of my brother. And Charlie, well get him into the top and then in the morning some how he is down the bottom again. So we are working on it. We are getting there.

But I mean he adores his big brother. He adores his father. He is very much a boy. And he is going through things right now where he likes fairy wands and he likes crowns but also tiara type things. But they are girl things now mummy so you know, I am not really supposed to like them. Well as far as I am concerned honey you can like what want. You know. This is a child that was painting my toe nails when he was four years old. You know, and painting his arms, as far as I am concerned you’re a kid, what ever you want to do. If you want… so he has been buying me fairy wands now which I have to hold me my room, but you know let me borrow every once in a while. He is funny because that is when the Asperger’s I think comes in, where he thinks in very black and white. I am a boy and I have to be like this and I am like no you don’t. You can be anything you want. You know.

Okay. I say my first thought was that she is a real character. She has got great personality. She is funny in a very dry, dry sort of sense. She is… her physical attributes; she is so pretty, she is slim, she is gorgeous, she wears modern clothes. She is intellectually capable. She is very interested in the world and she can debate and talk about things on a very serious level. Small talk is something which they can’t do and she doesn’t do that so our conversations tend to be about ideas or things. And of course, apart from that, as most Asperger’s , parents with Asperger’s people will know, they are generally speaking emotionally way behind their peers, so you are talking Nita 23, think 16 and sometimes think 12 because there is such a loving, gentle, tender, core to her nature, that most people never see. And I know it is there and that is when I think to myself, this notion that Asperger’s don’t have this ability to empathise or sympathise is actually something which isn’t true. It is there but it needs to be brought out in very specific particular circumstances.

This love and care for others, especially animals because animals don’t answer you back and bully you, that whole thing about loving and tenderness is there but it needs to be brought out as I said before in the right circumstances. So that gives me hope that somewhere along the line she may be able to transfer those loving tender feelings to a human being. She is capable of that and I just feel incredibly loving and protective towards her. I know this sounds silly because she is, you know, now in her early twenties, but I have seen the horrible rocky road she has had to travel and I think any parent would feel that about their child, who they know has been so hurt and you love them so dearly. I think she is smashing.

How would you describe your son to me as I haven’t met him?

Lovely when he is asleep [laughs]. He is one to one perfect. He should have been an only child that could have had parents that could have given him 24 hours, because we have done the parental course of sitting down and playing with him. So you know we do half an hour play or an hour play of whatever he wants us to do, but he wants it 24 hours a day. And that is the difference between a neuro-typical child who would be quite happy to then go off and do some colouring or watch the TV, he can’t watch any video, he can’t keep still long enough. So that is where the computer comes in. So you know, he … because of the ADHD he is not very scared of doing dangerous things, so that is why he is very good at trampoline. When he throws himself on the trampoline, he throws himself very well, whereas his friends are still sort of a bit worried about it. So he is becoming extremely good at that.

He is extremely good at maths. He is extremely good at anything you do for the first time, he is extremely good at. What is difficult is finding something that he will then want to, you know, carry out with us, or be happy, just smiling would be quite nice. And in fact he has got positive chips you know and tokens for smiling because he doesn’t do it very often. So just being a little bit happier would be nice and integrating with us. The way I would describe him is that he is a body in the house that is quite happy if you leave him to it but doesn’t particularly want to be part of the house and that is very hard I think as a family that is very hard.

How would you describe him because I haven’t met him?

Right. Robert is a lovely boy. He is generally speaking he is fairly quiet keeps pretty much himself to himself really he has got a lovely smile. He has got a great giggle when he starts laughing and he can be quite enthusiastic about things. And he is pretty good, because he will more or less give lots of different things a try. The educational psychologist suggested that he tried horse riding to improve his coordination and his balance and he has been doing that since January with his sister and he never looks totally comfortable on the horse he never looks totally sure, but he has never said that he doesn’t want to go. He has continued on with it. He says very little after the lessons, but then later on in the day he will say things like, whichever different horse he has been on, so he will talk a bit about them and things like that.

He goes to cubs. He never says he doesn’t want to go. He goes, what he can’t handle is when it is in a different venue. That freaks him out completely. If he has got to go to a different place he will just refuse then. Like if he is going to a church for a church service for cubs, he won’t handle that necessarily, but within his routines and within…yes, he is a great lad, he is lovely, and he is very, very special to me and I just think the world of him, I just adore, him he is lovely. He is quite loving he will come up he wants cuddles a lot of the time he is very. He is very loyal to his sister and loves his sister even though he belts her sometimes.

But when you see the size of him and the size of her you would find quite surprising, but he is just a lovely, lovely boy and he has got so much potential and he is just really, really canny and really cute and he loves tigers as well. He is just great and he certainly brings a different dimension to the family and he brings he brings sometimes a lot of frustration and he is difficult to keep to a schedule because he has no concept of time, but I have learnt so much more about the natural world through him than I ever would have done otherwise and he is just great and I wouldn’t be without him.