Clare
Clare suspects her aunt has dementia due to her memory issues. However, her aunt becomes very anxious when Clare tries to ask her any questions about her diagnosis or care. Clare cannot fully get involved in her aunt’s care because she is not her aunt’s Power of Attorney. Without Power of Attorney, Clare cannot make any decisions about her aunt’s care.
Clare helps care for her aunt who she suspects has dementia
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Clare first started to notice that her aunt had memory issues when her aunt began to struggle to remember words. They would have conversations, and her aunt would say “I can’t find the right word. What was that word again?” and become very anxious. This began to happen more and more, and when Clare reassured her by saying that she also sometimes forgets words, she realised her aunt had forgotten what Clare was reassuring her about. Clare realised there was a big problem when her aunt was meant to be staying with her and arrived a day early without notice. When they checked her aunt’s diary, she had correctly written the time and date but still arrived at the wrong time. This behaviour was often coupled with her aunt feeling very anxious.
After this incident, Clare became more involved in her aunt’s care, and while she is one of her aunt’s only living next of kin, her aunt already had people as her Power of Attorney. Clare began to look into who they were as she suspected her aunt had dementia and knew from an experience with her neighbour they needed to be contacted. Clare has found it very difficult to care for her aunt because her aunt will not go to the GP or acknowledge there is an issue. Also, since Clare does not have Power of Attorney, trying to find support for her aunt has been frustrating. Neither of the people her aunt chose to have Power of Attorney live nearby, so Clare has been trying to navigate her aunt’s care with them.
Clare has also sought advice from a dementia charity and friends whose parents have had dementia to help her navigate her aunt’s care. However, Clare has found trying to discuss things with her aunt is awkward because she is her elder and Clare is not her Power of Attorney. Therefore, Clare is unable to make any decisions about her aunt’s care.
Clare describes a difficult situation to discuss with her aunt about her memory problems.
Clare describes a difficult situation to discuss with her aunt about her memory problems.
I started to get more involved and I said, I think it was a really awkward conversation to have, but I because I’m the only living relative, no, there’s me and my sister are the two, her two closest living relatives, apart from her cousin and so I kind of wanted to ask, I knew her next of kin ‘cos when she had an accident once I got a call. But I didn’t know who was the Power of Attorney and so it was really awkward and so I knew that I needed to find that out because I’d experienced dementia with my neighbour who lived below me and I could see the early signs and everything. We knew, you know, it was coming.
And so I found out who her Power of Attorney was and then I, she also, I also said to her “Do you have any tests for anything about this memory issues?” And she said, “Yes, she was going to see the doctor.” But she didn’t, she was feeling very worried about it all and not sure if she needed to and just more and more things started happening and I, and I really felt like she needs to, but it’s difficult because I’m not her friend, I’m her daughter, I mean, her niece which is a bit like a daughter ‘cos she hasn’t got children. And so I rang up this phone line that helped and I said, “What can I do at this stage because she’s not recognising it as much of a problem.” They gave me some ideas. So, I bought her like this special clock to bring to her home and it had like and it has like a date, it had the date and the morning or afternoon because I noticed she was getting that muddled up too like she didn’t know whether that, she was sending me all these emails and she would say things, she’d get really muddled up with my sister.