When she came towards what I’ve since realised was the end, she stopped eating and drinking. Because I then had these difficult decisions to make and I was obsessed. OK I was still going out to dance because you have to have diversions, if you don’t have diversions you would go mad yourself.

But every day I had to run over the decision about whether we were doing the right thing. Whether, and every day I said to myself and I used to say when I got to the home Have you tried her with food today? How did she get on?’ s he had a yoghurt and half a spoonful of custard,’ and so on, that was a tremendous turning point because I, the guilt then was different. Am I condemning her to die by taking this attitude you know. And then having to reconcile the guilt with the fact that when I was out dancing I was really enjoying myself. Obviously I couldn’t inflict that on other people. I don’t know whether that requires a split personality but I suppose I really had one.

But of course, and of course the interesting thing about the final turning point which of course on her death was that just, after the initial emotional impact was the tremendous relief that it brought you know. Again, something that made you feel slightly guilty but you had to reconcile your feeling of guilt, you had to balance it with the fact that it was so much better for her. Shed stopped suffering, shed gone peacefully, shed gone without pain, you’d done your best so really you didn’t really need to feel all that guilty.

And I must say that although that I wouldn’t have believed it at the time and perhaps for some two or three months afterwards, I must say that I now find myself talking to my wife, or to her photograph as though she were still here. But talking without any inhibitions at all, without any feelings of guilt. So that was tremendous turning point really. What ever has happened to her since she died it’s certainly made a big difference from my point of view. And were still, were still good mates.

I do agree with euthanasia for certain things. The certain things being where somebody has got cancer throughout their body and they are going to die, which is what I was saying to you about (our friend). Her husband had prostate cancer and he was terminal and he was in pain all the time, even with heroine or whatever it is and other drugs.

If people ask for euthanasia I think they should be entitled to it. Somebody with Alzheimer’s wouldn’t even know what euthanasia is, so, unless they had something else like cancer that was keeping them in permanent agony, no, for, for dementia, for Alzheimer’s I would never agree to euthanasia – ever. But for the other things I would, even for myself.

I mean I know, I could have a pretty good guess that [my partner] would be horrified to see himself and would want not to be here, but I couldn’t be certain of that, I would never agree with assisted death or euthanasia – no. But ‘Living Wills would make a difference, yeah, yeah.

And do you think generally they are a useful thing to have?

I do actually because to go back to people who suffer from something that incapacitates them to the extent that they couldn’t commit suicide and yet they’re living this horrendous life, it’s going to end in death, in a horrible death and they have no quality of life at all because everything has to be done for them. And they cannot be at all, they’re completely and totally dependent, it must be like hell on earth, especially if you’re an active mind that’s trapped in a body that’s not allowing you to do anything. Yes I think, I know ‘Living Wills don’t carry any legal weight but, I don’t see why they shouldn’t if they’re properly witnessed like, as an ordinary will is. I think they should carry, I think they should carry weight. But at the moment – I’ll go back to something I said before – I think the medical establishment is too prone to keeping people alive at any cost these days. So whatever your quality of life has been, even if you are likely to die within a week they’ll still try to keep you alive in many cases. Not every, not all of them but too many of them. So yes I think ‘Living Wills are a good thing and I think they should be legalised.

When he was first diagnosed he wrote in his diary ‘So it’s Alzheimer’s. I hope when the end comes it’s not too messy. And I think I can be guided by that, for [my husband] and I have always thought along the lines of it’s quality of life, not quantity that matters. And so I’ve reached the stage now with [my husband]’s illness where he has no speech, hes lost his mobility, he has to be fed and washed and kept clean, hes doubly incontinent, hes doing a lot of sleeping and I guess the end could come in all sorts of ways and I’ve got to be prepared for it when it does come. But if the suggestion is that he should be artificially fed I think my answer would be ‘No.

I have also signed a declaration ‘No artificial resuscitation in case of heart failure. On the other hand if you’d said to me ten years ago at the beginning of this illness, in ten years time [my husband] [will] become immobile, speechless, doubly incontinent, unable to do anything for himself, and really has only got his music and nourishment and human touch as the three pleasures. Hes also partly, practically blind as well, I should add, technically so, because his eyesight’s fine but hes not processing what he sees. And if somebody said to me ‘Does somebody in that state have any quality of life?’ I think ten years ago I’d have said ‘No’, but working with him now, caring for him now, there is still quality of life, there are still things that he appreciates.

He likes the feel of the sun on his hands, he likes to see what he probably distinguishes as bright colours, but what they are he has no idea. He likes his music, he likes to be sung to, he likes to be played with in a way that you play with a small child and he loves human contact and cuddles and tickles and all these sorts of things. And yes there is still a quality of life there and that’s why I would be against euthanasia but I would be for letting something happen naturally rather than artificially prolonging life. I hope I’ve made my stance clear because theres a lot of talk around ‘What is quality of life and it all depends where you’re looking at it from.

No I don’t think you should force drink, I don’t think you should force anything down. One day you know my mother, I think it’s a question of finding out what the person understands, because my mother could understand a drink in a cup, at one time it was a baby cup because she couldn’t, she was lying down so we couldn’t get it, but she understood that’s what it was and she wanted it. And now she can understand, she went through a stage where she could understand what a cup of tea was.

So I then said to the home ‘Could you put her soup in the mug because she can understand the mug, she can’t understand the bowl and the spoon?’ So they did and then they forgot the next time so I used to try and get there for a meal a day, the district nurse wasn’t there so I used to try and get there for supper. So I put it into the cup and then I thought maybe she can understand what bread was. And the nurse, the district nurse, being the professional that she is said that if your mother goes to a table with others and sees other people eating shell, she may try and copy which in fact in time to come she did.

And at one time I was feeding her, I said ‘Oh, you’re doing rather well,’ with scrambled egg and she was smiling away, this is lovely, and all of a sudden she started taking it all out because she had forgotten that it was food so she was taking it all out. And I thought gosh if somebody started putting a load of stuff in my mouth and it wasn’t food I’d want to take it out, so I let her take it out.

And, so I think, oh I don’t know, I’m not a professional I don’t know but I would say that if they stop eating try and offer them things that they understand. My mother loved ice cream and she used to like the feel of the cold in her mouth and of course the ice cream would melt and shed swallow it.

So if that’s good for her, why not let her eat ice cream at every meal. And in at one stage that’s what she was doing. And, so I think it’s much better to, by trial and error find out the things that the sufferer is happy to take. So I’d say that, I’d say the food and the drink and the things they can take in by their mouth that they’re happy to take, I don’t think you should use force, no I don’t, at all.