There were times when sadly, I feel awful because we argued, I mean shed say ‘I haven’t had my pills’ and I’d say ‘You have had them. Which I shouldn’t have done but she had this little pillbox and shed come knocking on the door saying ‘I haven’t had any pills, I’ve got to have these pills, they’re for my blood pressure, I must have them. And I’d say ‘Well you have. ‘Who gave them to me? You don’t understand, I need to get to a doctor, you don’t understand, I’ve got to have these pills to stay alive. Then wed go back with her and shed come back ten minutes later.

So when we went to the psycho-geriatric specialist, he then suggested, I don’t, I can’t remember the medication but its an injection every fortnight. I said ‘Oh that’ll make her sleepy. But I then, it’s a learning process, I just feel I’ve learnt so much and I’ve still got so much to learn because as he said to me ‘Surely its better for her to be slightly sleepy in her own home than not sleepy and worrying?’ And I realised, you’ve got to get the balance, you don’t want her too sleepy to enjoy some quality of life.

So anyway, we tried these injections but sadly my mother doesn’t want to be injected by a stranger and the CPN found it difficult to inject her, but fine if I was there or my husband. So we did explain all the hours we could be there, I said I could come home early from work, but sadly, whether they forgot or whether they simply couldn’t manage those times, but they still carried on coming hit and miss, and so we didn’t know when she was being injected, when she was being visited by whom, and she couldn’t remember.

It did seem I think probably soon after shed been injected it probably helped and then it would wear off and then shed get very agitated again.

But as to giving it direct, at first I used to give it to her, in her hand and she’d take it. But then I’d, later on I’d give it to her in her hand and shed put it down, and I’d put it back in her hand and she might take it.

Then later on I’d put it in her hand and she’d put it down and she wouldn’t take, it so I’d give it to her in her mouth, with a drink and shed take it. And then later on still, I’d give it her and she’d put it in her mouth and then we’d find it hidden somewhere else. Or she’d spit it out or whatever. So in the end we started putting it, grating it down, into powder and either putting it in her tea, in her food or whatever, so that, she’d have it, but then she’d, sometimes wouldn’t eat or wouldn’t drink. So then, we just couldn’t give it her.

And I, Id tell the doctor and they’d say Well, a day or two wouldn’t matter. Which I suppose really it wouldn’t but sometimes it, that was a big problem I think, giving the medicine because it, sometimes we just couldn’t give it her and we knew she needed it. Especially with the other things she had like Chronic Airways Disease and that if she had she needed antibiotics and we couldn’t give them to her, and of course Id talk to the doctors but, if you cant give em to a person, its not like a dog, you cant, you just have to not give it.

Unfortunately I couldn’t, at times I couldn’t find a way round that other than not giving it to her, because if she wasn’t drinking and eating, because she did have, at times those problems where she just didn’t want anything to eat or drink. So the first opportunity when she would have a drink or something to eat, in went the medicine and that’s how we carried on. But that was a lot, a lot later on. Mainly we did get the medicine down her, but you know later, later on it did become a real problem, that. But we done the best we could.

She won’t take it! Pills are worse, she won’t take, shes never, never liked taking pills in her life, I’m like that. Unless I know exactly what it’s for and why. And the only pill she ever used to take were her blood pressure pills because she knew if she didn’t take them she could probably – ‘Oh blood pressure, we were talking about that earlier’ – she knew if she didn’t take them she could have another stroke so that’s one thing.

But now shes forgotten what they are but when you think about it we are taught from childhood aren’t we not to take pills and certainly not to take them from strangers. So it shouldn’t actually surprise anybody you know in the way it always seems to, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that she won’t take her medication. And so shes better at liquid so wherever possible, it’s not the psycho-geriatric specialist himself but hes got sort of like a registrar who visits mum on a regular basis now and she and the doctor and I have talked about it and wherever possible, they’ve actually she changed the anti-depressant to another one that’s very similar because she can have it in liquid.

So wherever possible they give her medication in liquid form and they give it to her in a little glass and we pretend it’s sherry and I have a little glass and well go ‘Cheers,’ but they can’t make her take it because it’s not a nursing home so she doesn’t take it. Sometimes I’ve been in and the glass is there and, as I say when, when she could cope with the phone they used to phone me if she wouldn’t take it and I would talk her through it. But they can’t do that now because she doesn’t understand what the phone is.

But I have just been asked to write a letter and apparently the doctor is going to write one as well to say, give permission for her medication to be mixed in with her food. Which I’ve done because I know she needs it and I’ve put in the letter ‘For her prescribed medication to be put in her food. They didn’t, they didn’t ask me to put that but I’m afraid I’ve put it because I don’t want anybody thinking ‘Oh well slip something in because shes being a bit… So I’ve given permission for everything shes prescribed to be given in her food and I thinks it’s just the Tamoxifen that has to be a pill; I’m not sure what they do with that perhaps they just crush it, I don’t, I don’t know. So yes it’s an on-going problem the medication, a real problem.

At one time if I’d put tablets out for him he would take them. More recently, perhaps this year, he has played with his tablets and he will pop them in a spoonful of pudding or mashed potato or put them in a sausage or something. And unless I was actually with him and got him to take them I couldn’t be sure that hed had them.

On one occasion, I mean this wasn’t prescribed medication, it was cod liver oil, he actually opened up the capsule and drank it and then complained because it tasted fishy, it was quite horrible. And another, another time I found a tablet dissolving in the bottom of a yoghurt or something like that because he doesn’t seem to take them unless I’m actually there and supervise, he doesn’t always take them as tablets. And hes having increasing problems actually swallowing tablets. He was put on Brufen a little while back because he had a really bad knee, he had sort of arthritis in his knee and it was playing up and he was taken Brufen which has a sugar coating and should be swallowed straight down but he was trying to crunch it which wasn’t really the idea.

And the same with the iron tablets. Again you’re supposed to swallow them whole because apparently they’re designed to dissolve in a part of the gut where it’s most beneficial. But he would sort of crunch it up or he would put tablets in his sandwiches because he just didn’t seem to understand the importance of it and I would get the instructions ‘To be taken with water;’ ‘To be taken with food. Hed just look at it, it didn’t mean anything to him, seeing it written down. He didn’t actually fight about having to take medication but the actual method was not perhaps what it said on the instructions. But I did try to make sure that he had it at the right time and in the proper method.

That’s a very recent, very recent thing. Until possibly three months ago he was taking tablets with a drink and without any problems. But as I say, you don’t chew cod liver oil and complain that it tastes fishy.

In general, do you have any thoughts about surreptitious medication?

What are we talking about here major ‘tranqs or?

Do you make a distinction?

Difficult one. I think if somebody is a danger to themselves or other people perhaps there is a case I mean if you tried all the possible avenues of discussion and persuasion and involving anybody who might have some influence, some positive influence on the person and they’re still saying ‘no. I think if they are a danger to themselves or other people possibly yes there would be a case for it but it would have to be the very, very last resort. I don’t know. Maybe if it prevents some even worse form of treatment there might be a case for it. I’d be very uncomfortable with it though. I certainly wouldn’t want to think that anybody did it without my knowledge, I would have to be very involved in the decision for my husband and for myself obviously. I just hope I’m never faced with that.

I think I might have joked about putting tablets in a spoons full of jam. I don’t think I’ve ever done it. A difficult one but I think you know in absolute extremes maybe there is a case for it. But I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to be given medication just for the sake of keeping them quiet and making their lives easier. The same with catheterisation, if you can’t be bothered to toilet with patience you shouldn’t be looking after them.