Katherine: Interview 10
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Katherine's brother can create a barrier in their family as "it's all on his terms".
Katherine's brother can create a barrier in their family as "it's all on his terms".
When he’s bad. When he’s in a low mood or something or locked away in his bedroom because he won’t see my dad or I, he won’t interact with us, he lives through my mum. So she’ll be supporting him but at the same time as her being his support, while he’s letting my mum in, he’s also putting up a barrier in between my dad and I. So he kind of has decided this barrier for the family, or a wall within the family and it’s very much on my brother’s terms. And when he’s down my dad doesn’t like it because of the effect it has on my mum and I also don’t like it for that. But he has more trouble with it, because, I don’t know, the distress that we can see that he’s causing my mum is bad. So when [brother’s name]’s happy the family is better. It’s nice to have him round the house again, but yes, the family’s mood is quite determined by my brother.
Katherine's friends think she is 'wrong' and 'cruel' in her descriptions of her brother, but they only see him on his good days.
Katherine's friends think she is 'wrong' and 'cruel' in her descriptions of her brother, but they only see him on his good days.
Oh they’re really confused because when I describe him they, they think I’m wrong, I’m being cruel speaking of him how I describe him. And I have to explain that whenever they see him or they’re invited into the house, they see him when he’s happy and friendly. They don’t see the stranger sides because it would be cruel to have them around. So they don’t really understand properly where I’m coming from. Occasionally, as I said, I’ve got a very close friend who knows everything. Occasionally he gets a snippet of my brother’s strangeness. Years and years ago it was cold one night and we went to sit one play swings in the village, and I went into my brother’s wardrobe and got my friend a jumper. He wore the jumper and came back, and my brother was furious and shouted at me that having done that very loud. I laughed and said if I had asked he would have no or something like that. And just occasionally they will get a peek at what I’m talking about that makes them realise that this is not quite normal.
Katherine says that there is a need in her to help people.
Katherine says that there is a need in her to help people.
Yes. Yes, I think, it’s funny there are a lot of positive things. Perhaps the biggest is that I’ve learnt to be by myself and to help people. You said other people in your study are thinking of career choices that could help others and I think that’s in me as well. A sort of need or understanding of how to help people. Like of my group of friends, tend to be the person people sit down with.
Katherine was unsure of the hereditary nature of ASD and discussed it with her friends. She would 'feel terrible' if she had an autistic child.
Katherine was unsure of the hereditary nature of ASD and discussed it with her friends. She would 'feel terrible' if she had an autistic child.
Yes. I said to my friends, and they say “Why would they?” Yes, that would petrify me. I don’t know what I’d do because its strongly influenced my … I’d really have to consider having children. I don’t know how hereditary - is that the word? - It is. But if I had a child that ended up like my brother I’d want to smack myself, and it’s something you can’t predict, and I’d hate to feel that disappointed in the child, because I know that’s what I would have been doing. If I’d known that there was that possibility. So to have a child with that in mind and then if became true, I’d feel terrible about having the kid, which isn’t what everyone wants.
Katherine would not like to 'take over the care' of her brother because of the negative experience she has had living with him.
Katherine would not like to 'take over the care' of her brother because of the negative experience she has had living with him.
The thought of having a child like her brother "petrifies" Katherine.
The thought of having a child like her brother "petrifies" Katherine.
Yes. I said to my friends, and they say “Why would they?”, yes, that would petrify me. I don’t know what I’d do because its strongly influenced my … I’d really have to consider having children. I don’t know how hereditary - is that the word? - It is. But if I had a child that ended up like my brother I’d want to smack myself, and it’s something you can’t predict, and I’d hate to feel that disappointed in the child, because I know that’s what I would have been doing. If I’d known that there was that possibility. So to have a child with that in mind and then if became true, I’d feel terrible about having the kid, which isn’t what everyone wants.
Katherine thought that her family and friends gave her enough support. She was unsure what type of support would be helpful because she is in a 'situation that can't change'.
Katherine thought that her family and friends gave her enough support. She was unsure what type of support would be helpful because she is in a 'situation that can't change'.
None. My family’s enough, or family and friends. But I’m sure there are families that the siblings could benefit from some sort of help. I don’t know what help they could give them because it’s the kind of situation that can’t change. It’s something you’ve just got to grow with and learn from. I’m sure people might do with help. But as I say I’ve learnt as I’ve grown up with it, how to be around it. What to do.
Katherine thinks reading about autism would be unnecessary as she has got a case study at home.
Katherine thinks reading about autism would be unnecessary as she has got a case study at home.
I think it doesn’t matter what people tell me. It feels that I’m living with the person, so, if I was to read a book or go on the internet and they told me how I should be around, I don’t know what information I could gain that would help. They couldn’t tell me how to be with him or what could be helpful, because I’m the person, I’ve grown up with him. And he’s older than me, so he’s always been there. So there’s nothing new I could learn. And I suppose it’s something that’s different for everyone as well. So I’d been reading about something quite generalised instead of something specific to my brother, which couldn’t be helpful. It would just be teaching me about a problem that people have, when I’ve got a case study. So it’s unnecessary I think.