Eloise: Interview 02

Yes, meal times are quite difficult, he has a very, similar to the, the sensory kind of, doesn’t like loud noises, his range of foods that he’ll eat is very small that can be quite frustrating for whoever’s cooked. Because even though if my mum’s cooked or dad’s cooked and he doesn’t eat it, I can kind of see why. I can be like oh he doesn’t like that, that’s why…. But if I’ve cooked and then he doesn’t eat it, I feel just as kind of rejected as they do. That can cause quite a lot of, it probably does cause the most arguments, because then they’ll, we try and then consult him about what’s going to be had for dinner so that he will actually eat because he doesn’t eat enough. So and then he won’t know and then it all gets quite fraught [laughs]. But, so that’s quite, yes, meal times are probably the most, we don’t really argue as a family, but mealtimes will probably cause an argument. But he does like cooking and he makes very good bread. So maybe he’ll start cooking and experimenting with food and thus eat more things. 

I don’t think that I have the same relationship with my parents had I not had problems, and had [brother’s name] not had problems. I think, the times when I probably would have gone shopping with my mum or, or something, just things like that, or kind of those times didn’t happen as much as they would have done, if, had everything, if things had been different. But I don’t, I’m not as, I think I probably see my parents differently to how other people seem to think that their parents can do everything. Like I have friends who think that their parents have the answer to everything. But I don’t know if that’s normal at 18, but I definitely I don’t know. I think I’ve probably had more of a kind of adult to adult relationship with my parents, even when I was a child. Like… 12, or 13 or something, rather than kind of getting to18 and suddenly realising that my parents are people or something [laughs].

For some things. He’ll... it depends, it does depend quite a lot on whether or not he’s, say I’ve come in, I’ve come in from school and he’s been at home longer, and if he’s had a good day he’s more likely to come up to me and say, “How was your day?” Because he’s knows that’s a kind of what you do, but if he’s had a bad day, he doesn’t remember kind of, he’s got quite, I don’t know he’s not always like this, because he does talk about quite random things, like he’ll suddenly ask you about factual things, completely out of the blue. It’s not been on the telly, it’s not been on the radio. You don’t know where it’s come from, but he does have quite a lot of structures that he sticks to, like you come in from college and he’ll ask you how your day was, if he’s, if he’s had a good day, if he’s not, if he remembers and he has the structure of ‘how are you?’. ‘I’m good. How are you?’ He has, he, I mean obviously everyone has, has structures like that, but he seems to stick to it, and if I was to say to him, “No I’ve had a really bad day” and get upset, he wouldn’t, I don’t think he would know how to deal with that, because that’s not the pattern for that conversation.

I don’t think, but at the same time I do worry that school will go badly, he won’t, he won’t go to university, which he talks about wanting to do all the time. And I might have my brother living with me when I have my own family, because it, or living, I feel like there is the possibility that he could be quite reliant on, on other people as an adult, but I don’t think that there’s any reason he should be if society adapts to him, because I don’t know if that’s a bit of a, I don’t know. But like he is perfectly capable of doing things and like cooking and cleaning and all that kind of stuff and intellectually very capable. But that doesn’t mean that if things go wrong he’ll necessarily be able to cope. And I suppose I hope that he will be able to and he’ll go and do everything that he should do, and everything, but at the same time I do, I do think about the future where he isn’t independent or something.