Again going back some time ago and I came in and I could smell bleach, and somehow she’d got the bleach and she’d put bleach on her face, because she puts creams on her face sometimes, and I came in and I could… realised she… she’d got bleach that was all over her face, and I quickly washed her hands and face, so when… when [name] is here, I’ve got to keep my eyes on her.

And of course my mobility’s not been… so if I see… and [name] goes in the kitchen, I’ve got to get up, so if we was getting up here, now I… I’ve got to do… that… that’s getting up, you know, so, I’m not as bad as that once I move… if you move backwards and forwards and I’m not as bad as that, but that… that’s… you know, I’m not… not kidding when that’s getting up and down.

And as I say, 10 years ago I went to the GP and I think the first time I went, it was a lady doctor, and I can’t remember her name, and we sat down and she said, “What… what’s the problem?” and I said, “Well,” I said, “there’s a number of problems,” and I remember saying, “[name] will spend hours and hours cleaning,” I said, “and when she goes to the shops she’s shopping and…” and the doc… this lady doctor said… I’m pretty sure, “I’m not sure who’s got the problem here,” and I was… and I didn’t show my anger, but I was absolutely furious, and I thought, ‘I’m telling you…’ maybe I didn’t tell her the right way, but… but she said, “I’m not sure who’s got the problem here.” So that was the beginning I think when my medical contact, and I probably left it for maybe a year, and then went back again, and the local doctor said, “Hi, [name],” he said, “I’m just going to tell you three things and see if you remember them: apple, red, New York,” he said, “and I’ll ask you what those are in a few minutes,” and he spoke for just a few seconds, and he asked her, and of course she didn’t know.

Mind you I must confess – I’d forgotten one of them. And… and I think… I think he… he then referred us to the memory clinic. And this went on for years, going to the memory clinic, and we saw these specialists… dementia specialists I assume, and I think the first rec… I was looking at some papers last night, is 2013, or ’14, ’13, ’14, we saw this specialist doctor, and he did a similar thing, he asked her questions about the prime minister and all those sort of things, and she didn’t… and she couldn’t answer any of them, and he said, “She hasn’t got dementia, it’s…” oh, he said, “We’ll… need to send her for a scan,” so she had her scan and then he said, “it isn’t dementia, it’s age and memory loss.” And her behaviour now has started to get a bit bizarre. I can’t remember specifics, but now she’s doing things that she hasn’t done before. So, it wasn’t just memory, it was behaviour that changed.

And that went on for quite a few years. I’d see this person, he’d ask her questions, and get the same poor response, send for an X-ray and then… or it is a scan, isn’t it, a brain scan, and, “No, the brain hasn’t shrunk,” and then eventually he said, “the brain has… it’s shrunk a little bit – she has dementia,” and that was in 2019. But the only thing that had changed was the results of the scan, and behaviour was pretty much the same, bizarre behaviour.

And I remember the doctor saying, she’s… “You’ve got to do something about this drinking,”

And all these bottles of whiskey, and opening draws and there’s half bottles of whiskey everywhere.

And gradually we… we got the half bottle of whiskey down to… I was putting water in it and doing that, and that went for years, and years, and years, this boozing problem, and it’s only in the last few years, the last two years, that she doesn’t ask for… for drink now. I got from whiskey down to wine, from wine to watered wine, I’d get a bottle and put, you know, a cup of water in it, and I had it down to a half a bottle, down to… in fact I bet there’s some bottles round there now that have still got half a bottle of wine with water in it, so we overcome the drinking.

The expression and I don’t know if you’ve come across it is therapeutic fibbing, so if she says something like, “Where’s Dad?” I’ll say something like… well, with Dad, her dad died a long, long time ago, and I’d probably just say, “Well, your dad died a long time back,” but she’ll say is, “I want to see Dad,” I would say, “Well, let’s have some coffee first,” and… and talk away from it, because if she thinks Dad’s alive, I am not going to her he’s not alive, but she asks me, I’ll go along that route.

And even only a couple of weeks ago we had the disaster in the family where a 36 year old member of the family died and I didn’t take her to the funeral, even though I’d told her she was… the member was poorly, and I’d told her when she’d died, and she said, “That’s terrible, that’s terrible,” but when we went to see the family, she said, “What’s wrong?” and I thought… and so I… I sort of… I’m now protecting her from some of the things that I don’t think she’s… that do her any good, or she gets any benefit from. 

So… but things like the therapeutic fibbing’s a great help when people tell you it’s a way of handling the issues.