And then once that had finished it was then the following two months that were probably the worse because the radiation damage was quite horrendous, because all the skin falls off, it's very sore and you don't see anybody[laughs], it's like you're done now' and they're sort of say we'll see you in a month or two. and it's only when you go back in and they're only sort of checking for lumps and bumps to see if it's spread anywhere. And I went on then for like five years, just keep going back, it's like every month then every two months, then every three months, every six months, every year and then they said, Right, well you should be ok now five years have passed – no problem.. And I was told at the time when I had the radiotherapy that I had to look after the skin because it would be damaged with radiation which is fair enough and I had to use like baby soaps and things like that so it didn't irritate it. And I thought it was just at that time because during the five years of the treatment, well not the treatment but five years of going back for the checkups and stuff err it had basically healed up. It still looks a bit of a mess now, it's as if it's been trapped in a car door but it works [laughs], it's all fine and dandy. But I wasn't sort of given any sort of advice on the aftercare after, whereas like now I have to put moisturiser on sort of every day because the radiation damage is still there, it's still progressing, it's still happening and this is like fourteen years on, which I wasn't told anything about at the time. And that's, were are we up to now, I'd, I'd just been discharged from the hospital and I basically stopped, you know looking after it if you like, I just got on with my life and I was applying some creams now and again when I could remember or whatever. Or if it did get particularly dry because err sometimes the skin on it really dries out and gets very flaky.

he'd even specified where she wanted her ashes scattered and she wanted them scattered in a local beauty spot I'd suppose you'd call it. And I had to write to the council, the local council and get permission from them to do it and it took quite a long time to actually get them to say, yes you can do it. It went all the way up to the Chief Executive Officer of the, of the Borough Council to make a decision because nobody had ever asked such a question before. And we were able to scatter her ashes exactly where she wanted them to be scattered. Who said that you had to ask permission? it's a public property. it's council property rather. it's a public area and we had to ask permission to be able to do it officially. The council said that we had to. Do you sometimes go and visit that place? Regularly yeah when it's nice. It, it's odd because there is no grave to go and visit. But I go to this tree where she's scattered around the base of the tree and I go. And there's a bench there already. It was always there because it is a public area. And I go and sit there and, and meditate a little bit really I suppose. But it is quite comforting to go there. Would you have liked a particular place or plaque or gravestone? I don't know. I think perhaps not because I think we had to abide by what she wanted and that was more important than me, us having to decide a place for her ashes to go to. I think it would be quite selfish of us to say, no we're not going to do what you wanted to do. I think we had to do what she wanted to do. And although it feels; it perhaps would be nice to have a focal point to go to but we've got, we've got the tree where she's scattered so it doesn't really matter. And I think for me personally I believe in spirit life anyway so to me it doesn't matter where her bodily remains are, her spirit is probably around me anyway.