Shaina

Shaina made friends with a local Caribbean man and their relationship developed over two years. Following the birth of her first child, she endured ten year of violent behaviour from her partner who used drugs, engaged in numerous affairs with male partners and smashed up their house. Shaina talks about a general lack of awareness of domestic violence and a consistent lack of support from the police. She finally received help when her GP referred her to the local Domestic Violence and Abuse Agency.

Shaina met her Caribbean partner locally and they were friends for two years before their relationship began after he was robbed and attacked in connection with drugs. He promised to give up drugs if they got together. While completing her University course, Shaina became pregnant and the couple moved in together. Shaina describes trust issues arising and alarm bells ringing soon after the birth of her daughter. Her partner regularly stayed out till the early hours of the morning and showed little interest in his family, preferring to play with a games console. If questioned he would violently smash property.

Physical violence towards Shaina herself began when she asked his whereabouts after he had lied to her. The attack was witnessed by family members who called the police, but Shaina feels that domestic violence wasn’t really taken as seriously as what it is now’. Her partner was removed for two weeks but he returned, apologetically being Mr Goody-Two-Shoes. Violence followed by apparent remorse became a pattern that Shaina endured over ten years. Each incident she swept under the carpet’ as she wasn’t really clued up about domestic violence’, and thought his behaviour was normal’. Her sister was aware of the situation but did not know what to do to help.

As Shaina wanted to avoid her children having a broken family’, they attended couple counselling and stayed together. The final straw’ for Shaina came when he had numerous affairs with male partners, which led to her suffering two bouts of sexually-transmitted diseases (STDs). With the help of a neighbour, she eventually turned him out of the house after a violent attack. She visited her GP for help with depression and was referred for counselling at the local Domestic Violence and Abuse Agency, where she finally learned about domestic violence and how to be strong.

Shaina still experiences ongoing harassment. Altogether, her ex has been convicted three times for violent offences but has received light sentences. Shaina has felt consistently un-supported by the police. She is now in the process of rebuilding herself completely’. She feels strongly that there should be more general awareness of domestic violence and abuse and she is setting up, via the local council, a peer support group for women who are or have been in abusive relationships.

Shaina talked about the ’emotional understanding’ shared by women survivors which led her to train with the local council and set up a support group.

Age at interview 32

Gender Female

Shaina described her ex-partner turning up at her door, and the panic this caused her daughter.

Age at interview 32

Gender Female

The RELATE counsellor suggested techniques for Shaina’s partner to control his anger, but he never put them into practise.

Age at interview 32

Gender Female

Shaina felt her partner’s conditional sentence was ‘just like a slap on the wrist’ after her terrifying ordeal.

Age at interview 32

Gender Female

Shaina described her close relationship with her neighbour who she called her ‘saviour’ as she provided support all through her abusive relationship.

Age at interview 32

Gender Female

Shaina made sense of her experience when her Domestic Violence and Abuse worker showed her the Duluth Power and Control Wheel’s* that shows the difference between an abusive and a healthy relationship.

Age at interview 32

Gender Female

Shaina described having to rebuild herself and learn to trust people again.

Age at interview 32

Gender Female