They couldn’t manage their own finances at all, I mean they just, you know, they were, they were so vulnerable that you just you know, we just took over that completely, it was needed. I mean my dad was scammed once but we did, I mean we managed to get the money back from the bank because they, you know, some company had rung him up and got him to pay for some insurance that he didn’t need or whatever, health insurance, and but… So, you know, when people are very vulnerable like that you need it, don’t you, you need somebody to sort of take over your finances and your care like that, definitely.

Well I, it [laughs] because we had Power of Attorney, you know, I could keep an eye on things and obviously it just, it was just flagged up on his statement, saw it on the statement and questioned it and when I rang the bank they were aware of this company so he did get his money back. But yeah, I think at that point we sort of took the card and; he didn’t know anyway, you know, he’d no idea, so it was just easier for them not to have you know, when they were on, if they, if anybody rang or they were on their own we just took charge completely, that side of things, for them.

I had a promotion at work so you know, a lot of responsibility at work, as well, and with the strain of, of, you know, obviously of things becoming a lot more apparent that things weren’t right with mum and dad. It was just too much to cope with and I was you know, sort of, struggling. I was really stressed, stress levels were so high. So I actually went and spoke to the head at that time just to say, you know, “I just, you know, I’m finding it all really difficult to sort of be there for mum and dad and, and sort of maintain my role at work.” And she did at first allow me just to have you know, I had a half day off which helped initially but then it was apparent very quickly it just wasn’t enough to sort of, you know, oversee what was going on with mum and dad, and so I just made the decision which, yeah, it was, it was difficult, and obviously if things had been different I, you know, I wouldn’t have done that, I wouldn’t have gone part-time at that point, because after having had the children and being part-time for while they were all young you know, this was, you know, I was sort of, suddenly sort of becoming a lot more career-orientated and wanting to, you know, develop that, and, but it just wasn’t, you know, just, it just wasn’t feasible and to be there for mum and dad.

Yeah, I just, I just wish we’d had more guidance from somebody; I don’t know whether it should have been from the NHS or from Social Care about, you know, what we could do and where we could go and at what point we should apply for higher level atten, you know, there was nobody sort of checking in on how things were going and, as I say, was that my fault, did I, you know, should we have been asking for that or more or, you know, it would have been, but it would have been nice to, you know, somebody; they knew that my mum and dad both had Alzheimer’s and were living at home, and to have more support for us as a family going through this whole process would have, would have been, would have been good.

Oh I mean we were really clear before, before we went away, you know, when we went to speak to them about, you know, because, as I say, the one carer that we’d had left at this point because of my dad’s sort of inappropriateness [laughs] you know, sort of sexually, he was being a little bit strange with his, after, you know, with his, with the sort of delirium after his UTI and you know, and we’d, we’d not sort of hidden any of that and they said, oh no, they could, that would be OK, they would be fine, but they absolutely weren’t, and in fact we actually we did get refund from that care, from that residential home, eventually, after quite a battle on behalf of mum and dad.

And so just, just tell me about how you, how you go, went through the process of getting a refund from them?

We just, well obviously just complained; we complained about, you know the care and the state that we found mum in. We’d had, paid for one of our other carers to go in while we were on holiday just to visit them, you know, and keep an eye, and so that she’d reported back how she’d had to go in and change mum and things like that and yeah, just wasn’t good enough. So just, no, just complained to local ombudsman and went through a process and eventually they agreed that, yeah, the care had, had been lacking and so they had to refund some of the care, not the whole thing but they refunded some of it, mm.

Well yeah, she, we took, my brother has a business so he took one of the carers on his, you know, he sort of set up the payroll for her, the other one was self-employed so she just invoiced us every month for how many hours she’d done; that’s how it worked, yeah.

That makes sense, yes, thank you. That was, so that was…

Yeah, but the main carer that we had, we, yeah, she was on the payroll and we paid her pension and all the rest of it, yeah.

Oh, so fortunately your brother had experience or, you know, he…?

Oh yes, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t have had a clue about that side of things [laughs] no. Fortunately, yeah, that’s the thing, he managed to sort all of that so that was a great help, yeah.

Again I suppose it, we didn’t know whether or not at that point that dad was going to end, you know, go in as well. But it was, we’d, no, he did, we had to, my mum was at a point where she was, we were going to have to sort of get a hoist for her and she couldn’t have a stair lift because she was too; we, I mean we looked at should we put a lift in the house and all that kind of thing, because, you know, obviously deep down we just wanted them to be at home and stay at home. My mum had been a district nurse and it was really, you know, and looked after people, and I wanted to do the same for her but it just became [laughs] you know, so difficult.

While they were there, my mum’s still, there I wasn’t, you know, they certainly, they as far as I was aware they never had another UTI, well my mum hasn’t; my dad, just over the last few months of his life he did seem to have some problems but the nursing staff, you know, they did manage it and he was comfortable sort of to the end. But yeah, I do think that obviously having that care there and the nursing staff, their experience made them a lot more comfortable probably and, yeah, were able to sort of look after them and give them what they needed to sort of, you know; I suppose they need somebody, they needed somebody there the whole time to make sure they were drinking and they were, you know, I mean my mum had been on a fluid chart and all that kind of thing. So yeah, they needed that sort of expertise and support, definitely, which they got there, and which we didn’t, we couldn’t provide in quite the same way, I don’t think, at home; well it got to that stage anyway.

Yeah, well at first I, it, I was just sort of, you know, picking up the, you know, the shopping and helping round the house and all that sort of thing, but, and taking them out and doing nice things with them as well, which, you know, I wanted to do, sort of seeing family and taking them out for days out and that kind of thing, but then it was, you know it became very apparent that they were needing a lot more than, than just that. So then we employed, as a family my brother knew somebody who was interested in going into sort of caring, she’d not done any, she’d no qualifications but she, it was somebody she, he knew very well. So we took her on as a carer, employed her, and for a while that worked OK but then it, they were need, again, you know, you put things in place and for a little while everything seems to be going well and then something else happens and, you know, it’s apparent that they’re needing more help.