Michael

Michael’s partner lives many hours away and the lockdowns during the Covid-19 pandemic were a lonely and isolating time for Michael. He became increasingly aware of his cognitive decline. Michael finds support in the LGBTQ foundation and Pride in Ageing.

Michael helped to look after his mother in Singapore when she was suffering at the end of her life. She had serious memory problems and had lived with depression. Michael has suffered bouts of depression all his life which he associates with his sexuality. He suffered a great deal of prejudice when he came out as homosexual at a very young age. Michael is worried that his lifelong struggles with depression may mean that his current mild cognitive problems will also develop into dementia.

Michael’s interests are reading, performing arts and exploring religion.

My daily routine, other than Wednedays and Sundays, because Wedneday there is a midweek service in the morning at ten o’clock, then I’ll come back, or after the service I’m usually interested. I find, Lyndsay [researcher], unless you have got something to talk about, I find there are three areas I keep telling people I’m interested in: God and theological, theological exercises or, or theological ideas or questions, secondly books, and thirdly the performing arts. I find it very difficult to speak to people making, as people usually say, small talk, inconsequential conversation I find very difficult in doing.

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The young advisors at Michael’s LGBTQ group can’t always connect with the older members.

So, what sort of things do they put on at that group?

Oh, it’s Pride in Ageing and I do take part in their events there, but it’s not necessarily geared to mature people. The reason why is they have got; most of their advisors and most of the people there are much younger. And when I compared them to myself when I was younger, I used to consider I have got a life ahead of me. The concerns of old people were only there because my job demanded it, otherwise it never affected me.

So, you feel that the advisors and volunteers at Pride in Ageing, although it’s Pride in Ageing they, the advisors are younger and they don’t necessarily connect in a way that’s entirely supporting?

The connection is there; how serious is that, the depth? I mean, the reason why, again, there are very few of us who attend there of the same; I use the word ‘vintage’ rather than age, because vintage sounds like wine and it’s far more delectable than ‘age group’. People of our vintage, they either have a life of their own or family. Even though they may be gay or homosexual, their concerns are, this is not their main concern, they are very subsidiary, because they have got other interest in their lives. So how much attention can one give of one’s self, how much time can one give of one’s self, and when one is our age, one has got things: partners or, like yourself, other strands, other aspects to get one’s attention. 

So, I think when you said this is not their main concern, do you mean around, around ageing and around potentially memory problems? That’s not all you’re thinking about because your, the strands to your life make up a much more complex identity than just whether or not you’re an older person?

Yeah, yes, yes, you have said that correctly, you have expressed it correctly.

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