So I suffer from depression and anxiety and I also self-harm.  I guess this makes me think that I can’t be with someone because I’ve got such huge needs I don’t want to be dependent on someone, if you know what I mean, like  people are put off by me.

I: What has made you believe that?

Just that I sometimes keep coming in and out of hospital, they want someone who’s functioning, they want someone who, you know, will make them laugh and not go into bouts of depression I guess, I don’t think I can live up to that standard of being always jolly all the time and putting on the mask I guess, so.

And also it is I, I forgot to say that it is really embarrassing even for me to say to my social worker or care coordinator to say I’m lonely it’s just such an embarrassing word to use, you know.

I: Why?

It’s just, it’s really embarrassing it’s like I don’t know there’s more stigma in that word than ever before for me it’s, it’s like you’re a failure

I: You almost made it synonym to loser before.

Yeah just it’s such a failing to say oh I’m lonely and, and actually even if a man and I think my neighbours says I’m lonely I’m thinking what, what is he trying, is he trying to come onto me like, you know, so, do you know what I mean, saying the word has sad reactions but also saying the word as a person it’s embarrassing and I don’t know, it’s [um]. You might say oh do you want to befriender, do you need to befriender, this is what mental health said do you need a befriender? I said no I don’t I can walk around my myself, I’ll happily jog in the, you know, in the, in the park but it’s more I don’t need someone, you know, to check in or, you know, these peer, peer researchers or peer support not peer, you know, they’re trying to do all these peer lead things I don’t want someone calling me to see [um] if I’m okay and all that I don’t want someone who’s paid to do that and also it’s more embarrassing having a befriender because the word befriender means is for someone who’s I don’t know in their 80’s, you know, who needs someone to take them out, so yeah

I: So you said that [um] being lonely, experiencing loneliness or being alone in today’s society is even more stigmatised than before.

Yes

I: Why, why do you think that is?

Because there’s so much access to not being lonely

I: Oh okay yeah, yeah

So, so there’s Apps there’s groups you can set up, back in the old days you wouldn’t be able to set that up online because you could actually not feel lonely when you’re gaming someone on the other side of the world, you know, there’s so many ways to get involved in things. But then the opposite is that in the old days you could go out to the pub and you’ll meet someone whereas you won’t be meeting anyone in the pub now but like in the, like nobody would, you know, the old, I’m talking about dating, the old fashioned way of dating doesn’t exist now.

I:  Have you ever sought help for loneliness from your GP?

No, no

I: Why do you think that is?

Because I know he’s probably gonna say have you spoken to your friends or family which is the usual thing like, or there’s [charity] in [town] there’s, there’s a coffee, lunch/coffee thing that you can go to and he’s just gonna, he’s gonna sign post me to the things that I wouldn’t do unless I was seriously suicidal or desperate I wouldn’t, wouldn’t do. Yeah because I know that those places, the clientele they have are not the ones that would inspire me.

Yeah I, I don’t want it to be re-emphasised like emphasised like that, it’s like [um] I was thinking of going to Over Eaters Anonymous but you do know that when you go there you’re talking about food for that whole hour so instead of distracting yourself away from the food you’re talking about food and you’re thinking about food and thinking, planning what to eat. If I went to a group for loneliness all I can think about is like I’m thinking what a loser I am thinking what kind of an idiot are you that you’ve gone, like what have you made of life that you’re alone and you’re in a loneliness group, I think I would be really hard on myself and thinking oh my God I can’t believe this, what have you got in life that has made you like this