I: So were you, you, you talked about abuse from a young age [um] was that lonely, child abuse? Do you want to talk about that a little bit?

Yeah because, like I say, I was being sexually abused from, from the age of 9 and, and it was quite a secret thing and then it was something I was, I was keeping to myself and I was, I was having a big, like a big secret and then the police got involved and the person got a, arrested and I think my family, my parents sort of blamed me because they brought the shame on the family.

As I say when I come home, and I sort of walk through the door and I just sort of walk through the door, put the TV on and I feel like I’ve got, I just feel like I’ve got nothing to do, there’s noth-, there’s nothing really to do in my place when I’m, to keep me busy and, you know, and it’s, it’s, you know, there’s, I know no-one’s gonna call so it’s kind of like, your TV becomes your sort of company that I sort of see that as my like…like somebody who I can, you know, watch and keep, that keeps me busy I suppose but I think there’s times like Sunday night, Sunday nights when, you know, it’s you feel, the weekend and you just, it would be nice to have some, some, somebody’s company. You know, there’s times when you actually just want someone’s actual company and, you know, maybe just a hug or something like that or just, you know, them, them times, there’s certain times.

I think it’s, I think it’s just you’re at home and you’re, you’re indoors if the weather’s not good. Christmas times, birthdays just occa-, you know like Valentine’s day, anything Mother’s day, Father’s day. I think them, them sort of times when you know you should like, I’ve spent Christmas on my own and I suppose them times you know when it’s all about family and, and people coming together. New Year’s Eve is, is another time is when it’s particularly worse feeling lonely. You’re sort of going into the New Year.

I: Why do you think it, it’s worse during those periods?

Because, I suppose social media you, you know, you see people and they’re having parties and then their group photos and then you’re there, you know, you’re at home alo-, sort alone and, you know, so I suppose it’s not really what people do when they’re, when it comes down to [um] special occasions.

I: Do you think loneliness is more specific to older people or is it everywhere?

I think it’s, there’s quite a few people that are on my street. There’s a boy next door and I think he’s got autism so I think he lives quite a solo life. I think he’s got learning difficulties and I never see him, I’ve never seen him with anyone and then the elderly woman across the road, she’s a retired teacher so I think her life has developed like that. There’s another bloke beside, his wife’s died, he’s a pensioner and he lives on his own so I think it’s older and mental health. It’s, you know, it could be like, like so we had a young girl, she was 16, she left our care home but she couldn’t go back to her area because of bad people so she moved to a new area and then she was suffering loneliness because she’s sixteen in a complete area she doesn’t know, so she had to start making a new life for her but she had some issues, her mental health issues as well. So, circumstances put people in these, in these lonely situations.

I: So, so what do you do when you’re feeling lonely?

Well, the last two years I’ve been running.

I: Oh okay, so, so how many miles do you run?

Well, I’ve done about eight this week.

I: Okay, not bad, not bad.

So but I’m planning on doing one today, one tomorrow and one on Friday. But yeah, so if I’m feeling like, I mean if I feel like lonely or any, any sort of emotion really,… Yeah it definitely does because it you know, while I’m running my mind is occupied. You know, I’m getting some fresh air, I’m appreciating the, the, you know, the outdoors and you know, it’s just, it’s just, you know, if you’re sitting there and you’re just looking at four walls you know, you feel terrible but when you’re out and you’re, you know, you’re getting some fresh air and, you know, you appreciate and the world around you, it’s a big, it does help loads.

They had like a drop-in centre, a time slot you could go down there and drop in so I don’t think they do that now. I think they do, the helpline’s still there but not the, the drop-in.

I: So how did, what did they provide with the drop-in?

I think it was just going there for a chat cup of tea, biscuit just to chat really about anything, not, not specifically any subject. I think it was just a case of getting to be social because I think a lot of people feel quite isolated as well. It would with, with having the vi-, having the ill health and virus so I think a lot of people feel isolated so it’s just a time for people to come together. I mean I did, I went to the group but I only sort of mixed with the people who were in charge. I’d go down there and there’d be two guys and we’d, we’d just sit there, have a chat for maybe an hour.

No say, like I say, like at the moment, like I say my, because I think with the Covid and lockdown and, and because I’m, because of my job I try to self-isolate most of the time anyway, so I don’t really come in contact with anybody because, because of the risks of the kids I work with. So, we’ve been told to not mix, you know, with other people and that, not to stay, to stay distanced away and like that so I think for the last, since March, I think loneliness has been a lot worse because I haven’t hugged anyone. I haven’t had any physical contact because normally you can have a hug off someone from work so that, that’s gone since March. No sort of contact no kissing, you know a kiss on the cheek or a hug so I’ve not done that since March and then also no going to anything social, like, you know, like a gym or anything like that, anything too close to people because of my health condition and also because of my job.

I: Yeah, yeah, so, so loneliness has been a factor that kind of impacts decisions in your life?

R; Yeah, I think, yeah it does, it’s, it does [um] it, like I said, I think you just get consumed by it and, you know, people message you and you don’t message them back and, you know, you, you get very enclosed in yourself and it’s, it almost cut, it sort of consumes you and then you don’t know how to get out of it, you know, people I think when you don’t respond to people then they just don’t bother anymore so you just, it just sort of, you know, it definitely it gets worse.

I lost my best friend to cancer as well so, so…

I: So, when did you, when did you lose your friend?

A couple of years ago, yeah, she went quite quick. So she was really close friend and breast cancer and she, and then she got sepsis but we were just like, she was a very close person and close friend of mine and yeah, she’s gone.

I: That must have been, losing that emotional attachment must have been very hard.

Yeah, because I do think you don’t find that many people that you, that you feel emotionally close too so and she was one of them.

I: Do you want to talk about her?

Well yeah I mean she was, you know, she was, she was kind of one, she was quite humble and, you know, when she was going the breast cancer, she was kind of like, you know, she was very upbeat and all that so she was kind of like, you know, it is what it is and it, it was just one of them tragic, tragic things…

I: Yeah.

I: Was she very young?

I think she was fifty-two, yeah. But yeah it was just one of them tragic, you know, one of them things it happens, you know, and it happened to her but it was just so sad because we had so many plans for the future because she was on her own and we’d sort of, you know, we became friends and then we just thought, we’ve got all these plans and then suddenly she gets taken away and you’re suddenly like, oh, you know, your plans are gone, so it’s kind of like your vision of that life what it was going to be is, is not there anymore.