B: always consider that you’re going to speak to someone now who’s ill or going to be ill or whatever, and to be polite and calm and not get any… as good as you can, not get people agitated. And just be normal, and be friendly, and that way then this person will – there’s the word, flying by – this person will trust you.

Just from the doctor, she just asked were we satisfied, are you okay, was you happy with all that. And we said yes, we were very happy, I was extremely happy. You know I just felt happy, I felt whole weight off my shoulders. She explained, “I’m here any time just pick up the phone, and you can always come.” And then we said okay, and she left us to have our tea and coffee. She’s got other people coming in and that, but she didn’t rush. Don’t get me wrong, she didn’t rush.

FEMALE I was in tears sometimes, and she was never, never sort of acknowledged it, you know. When I was in tears at the other places they say “Oh hang on, we’ll hang on a minute,” and get you a tissue… I’m getting emotional now. But you know, there was no… she was harsh, she was just harsh.

MALE    She was.

FEMALE: Yeah.

RESEARCHER: It sounds like you put it very well when you said the other people were just more human, and that kind of person approach, yeah, personal approach.

MALE: Yeah, As you say they laughed, they joked with you, and you know…

FEMALE: I would say all the others are genuine carers, she seemed to be a person doing it because it was a job, you know, “Yeah, I’ve got to get him to do this, and get it done with.” But they cared about him, how he felt and it’s the side of them… the nature coming out, yeah. It was a shame to have to complain really.

MALE: Yeah, but it was the best thing we ever did, you know.

FEMALE: Well, yes, because we’ve… yes, because since then we’ve met these lovely people, you know, met some beautiful psychiatrists up there, and carers,

C: Yeah, she was being like, you know, as I said, “Don’t worry, don’t, you know… take your time, it’s okay.” She was lovely, just… she was… yeah, she was… and then in between she was having a bit of a laugh and a joke, you know, like with [T], and yeah, she was fine.

T: She put you at ease a lot of the time. I tried to answer once, she told me to shut up.

C: Oh yeah, she did, yeah. Yeah, she actually did tell him to shut up, because… yeah, because he was trying to help me, and he was like… he was going to me, like remind me, and she’s caught me looking at him, and she’s caught him… so that was quite funny.

RESEARCHER Yeah, yeah.

C: I mean when I first went in obviously I was nervous, you know, you are when you’re… you know, see someone in a white coat and, you know, like they’re going to carry you off. But she soon made me feel relaxed.

RESEARCHER: How did she do that?

T: Just talking to you.

C: Just talking, just, you know, reassuring that everything’s going to be fine.

T: It seemed like they really cared. First thing they said, or like told you their first names, so you called them by their first name…

C: As with the consultant that come round here on last week, he said his full name, didn’t he, like his name.

T: Yeah.

C: You know, they don’t say, “Oh, I’m Dr Gere,” it’s, you know, “My name’s Richard…” you know, they… the… I don’t know what else I can say, they’re… I can’t fault them, you know, they’ve just been nice, they’ve just been caring,

Think it was the way it was first of all his clinical research fellow just assured, in a very calming voice, that “This is what I’m going to do,” explaining it first, and, you know, almost saying – but not in so many words – “There’s no right, and there’s no wrong. Take your time, you know, this isn’t an exam,” you know kind of thing, and “You just take your time and we don’t want you to get stressed,” and those types of things, and phraseology. The tone of voice, the sitting directly and facing the patient, and using a very soft tone of voice, and explaining, “I have to turn to type…” you don’t have to say it’s obvious you have to turn to do… but, you know, you’re just reassuring, reaffirming and reassuring, you know “I am listening, because I’m not looking at you does not mean I’m not listening to you,” and she actually said that, she said “So, when I’m not typing,” then she’s turned to look at him, you know, rather than…

You felt that he had an understanding of what he was talking about, he was a very gentle person, in his approach, very professional, but very gentle, and was just talking us through things we could do and how we should… or how I should be looking to support [her] as the illness went on. But again, we felt he was really nice.

RESEARCHER So, you mentioned he was gentle in his approach, so can you just elaborate a bit more on that, or give an example. How do you mean “gentle”, in what way?

Well, he was very… he was fairly quietly spoken, his voice was a kind of a rounded voice, there was no aggression there, or there was no matter of factness about it, again, you know, you felt that he was concerned for you, as the patient, I think that. And I think he also probably had an empathy about how people might be feeling

A: we want to go and get a second opinion and we’re prepared to pay private for that, and hopefully find a proper doctor, that can perhaps give us a second opinion about actually where we are, because he’s been very vague. He was very vague about the early onset of Alzheimer’s and you felt in his voice he was bullshitting, right? And he…

B: He never once looked you in the eye. He’s like this… and I like a person that doesn’t… you know, he was all over the place, but never, never look at you.

RESEARCHER: Never look at you.

A: So, really our experience is crap and as far as the memory clinic in wherever it is, we have no wish to maintain contact.

B: he looks away from you all the… now he may have been mega shy, or… I don’t know, but it’s weird, I don’t like talking to someone, especially when I’m terrified of what he’s telling me, and he looks down, and he looks here, and he look – a quick one – and then he… he doesn’t want to see me, basically, and that to me is not the right sort of doctor/patient relationship, which is very important.